Mail Ail

I gave my forensic science kids a 2-minute murder mystery to solve. The clue was that the murder took place on a Sunday, and the murderer was a maid, whose alibi was that she was out fetching the mail.

I tried to guide a group of students to the solution.

Loves Candy: Well, my mail comes on Sundays. I live in the ghetto.... I guess the ghetto mailman brings it on Sundays.

The Botany of Teenage Priorities

Little Drummer Boy: Miss, can you teach a lesson on marijuana?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mostly Magnetic: Miss, did you know marijuana is spelled with a j?

On the Subject of Corduroy Pants

Actually Fascinated By the Environment: Miss, why do your pants feel like a car seat?

I Don't Even Know What This Means

Aspires to Be a Hairdresser: (to a classmate) I can't never be pasty, ho.

Things That Make Me Nostalgic

Sadly, Rappin' Hairdo was switched out of my class. We have become great friends in the few weeks since.

I saw him today in the hallway...

Rappin' Hairdo: I miss your class so much. Your class just be so poppin', and I learned so much about ecology and jawns like that.

Quote of the Day - December 15, 2010

Me: In the temperate rain forest, tall trees, like the Pacific redwood, can maximize the amount of sunlight they take in.

Super Student: I try to maximize the number of girls I get.

Back to Those Friday Blues

Several weeks ago, Decibels shoved me when I challenged her consistent lateness to class. I followed up on her case several days ago. It turns out that nothing was done. Even though she assaulted a teacher, the administrator to whom I referred her scolded her briefly and then allowed her to return to her classes. There was no detention, no suspension, no counseling, no conference with a parent. She attended my class the next day, and every day thereafter, her attitude problem unsolved.

On another note, we just had a faculty meeting during which our principal proudly told us that our school has had zero "dangerous incidents" this school year. Well, numbers stay low when you don't report anything.

Quote of the Day - December 9, 2010

On Planet Earth: Jungles...

Actually Fascinated by the Environment: Miss, why are you showing us frog porn?

Quote of the Day - December 8, 2010

At the beginning of 6th period, I set my iTunes to shuffle, and "A Circle of Life" from The Lion King began playing.

Very Tough Exterior: Yo, this is my sh*t! Turn it up!

Bad Romance

Speaking of Alphabet Soup, she and Arte Johnson got back together and then had (another) massive break-up. I spotted Arte walking around with band-aids over the upper left-hand side of his coat. :(

CSI Moment of the Day - December 7, 2010

Yesterday in Forensic Science, we examined hair under the microscope, in order to support our current unit on hair analysis. Much to my surprise, my students got really into the "lab." Some were REALLY into it...

Alphabet Soup: Next time, can we look at sperm under the microscope?

Me: Um, that sounds great, but I don't think we can get sperm samples here at school.

Alphabet Soup: That's just a detail.

Quote of the Day - December 3, 2010

Puerto Rican Girl: You racist, Miss. You don't like me 'cause I'm from Nicaragua.

Biology Problem of the Day - November 2, 2010

Yesterday, we played review Trashketball for today's test on community ecology. One of my review questions was "What is symbiosis?"

A+ Student wrote down, "the study of symbols."

English Snafu of the Day - December 1, 2010

Yesterday, we learned about ecological succession in Environmental Science. Today, my students completed an activity in which they compared photos of four different ponds at different stages of succession.

I glanced at Adorable Terror's papers and saw this:

"What will happen to the black bass and blue gill as the floor of the pond fills with organic debris?

Everybody in bein dyin."

Half Day Blues

At the conclusion of the first marking period, my school district holds report card conferences for parents. Students have a half day of school, and parents are invited to meet with teachers at school between 1pm and 3pm. Conferences took place yesterday afternoon and will continue today. My students' parents are so involved that yesterday, I met with a grand total of.........

ZERO parents.

I'm hoping for better luck today.

Quote of the Day - November 24, 2010

Little Miss Negative: I'm trying to be a forensic scientist, and you're getting in the way.

More Music Surprises

Argh, I promised more posts, but I didn't deliver. Sorry about that.

Anyhow, after the Abbey Road comment, I received this request:

Fun Frosh: Miss, um, can you play more Journey and Bon Jovi? I... uh... well, it helps me focus.

HTTA

Happy Thanksgiving!

More posts to come later today. :)

Quote of the Day - November 23, 2010

Little Miss Negative: Miss, I'm tired of this hip-hop BS. Can you play Abbey Road?

Junior Class Elections, Part Two

Elections were held during advisory (homeroom) on Friday. As I posted here, the candidates had a chance to give their speeches to the class in an assembly on Thursday. As a result, nearly every junior should have recognized the names on the ballot.

Really Nice Girl: I already voted, did you?

Really Not Nice Girl: I'm not f***ing voting.

Really Nice Girl: Oh you should, the class officers are going to plan prom and stuff.

Really Not Nice Girl: Well, I don't f***ing know anyone who's running.

Really Nice Girl: Oh. Didn't you go to that assembly yesterday?

Really Not Nice Girl: No, I cut. F*** this... where are the black kids? I'll vote for them.

Quote of the Day - November 22, 2010

I bought a wreath with skulls on it for my classroom -- appropriate for Forensic Science, I figured...

Little Miss Negative: That looks like something Julius Caesar wore on his head.

Junior Class Elections, Part One

Several weeks ago, I applied for the position of junior class advisor. (Since I was the only applicant,) I got the job. Naturally, my first task was to hold elections.

The candidates wrote letters of intent to me and posted their glossy flyers around the school. Then, on Thursday, it was time for... speeches!!

Most of the candidates said standard things about honesty and prom and making 2012 the best class ever. Then it was the (uncontested) candidate for treasurer's turn.

G Is for Gangsta/Genius: You can always call me or text me or even hit me up on the book.

While I'm Lecturing About Food Webs...

Female Student #1: What chew doin' tomorrow?

Female Student #2: Buyin' new clothes for my son.

Female Student #1: Ohhhh that reminds me, I hafta buy new clothes for my son also.

Female Student #3: Oh, I get all my daughter's clothes from my older sister.

Female Student #2: Hey Miss, you got a kid?

Quote of the Day - November 18, 2010

In the middle of Forensic Science, a commotion somehow starts. (I guess identifying ridge characteristics on their fingerprints wasn't interesting enough for them?) Aove the din, I hear Breadsticks' voice.

Breadsticks: YOU JUST BETTER BE A CONDOM!

Hair Color

Loves Candy: Miss, Miss, I'm gonna dye my hair this weekend.

Me: Oh, cool! What color?

Loves Candy: Oh, dark.

Me: Cool, dark brown? Dark blonde?

Loves Candy: Just dark.

Forgotten Field Trip Funny

Our tour guide pointed out a few hawks soaring above us.

Mostly Magnetic: It's a bird!

Directionally Challenged: It's a plane!

Rappin' Hairdo: No, it's Super Me!

Quote of the Day - November 15, 2010

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: Miss, you need to start doin' some stuff, if ya know what I mean.

Me: Um, can you finish identifying those fingerprint patterns?

Jen Engine: No, I'm serious. That's all boys want. Except for when a boy, like, really, really loves you. But there aren't a lot of boys like that.

Friday Blues, Part 2

School was closed yesterday for Veterans Day, meaning teachers and students had a long-awaited day off.

I came to school today feeling refreshed and excited to teach!

But when I walked into my room, I noticed immediately that... I HAD BEEN ROBBED!!

Someone had snuck into my room (and several adjoining rooms) between Wednesday afternoon and this morning. From my belongings, the thieves stole my speakers, the power cord for my projector, and the VGA adapter for my projector. Fortunately, I had locked up the projector itself before I left the building on Wednesday. Thank goodness.

I filed a police report right away. I remained calm, but my students were outraged. Several of them exclaimed, "Miss, this is so unfair. How are we going to learn?"

I've replaced all of my missing supplies at this point. But, wow, what an unpleasant surprise.

Friday Blues, Part 1

Decibals walked into my room 6 minutes late, as usual. Today, however, she was completely out of uniform. Instead of wearing the required white collared shirt and khaki pants, she showed up in blue jeans and a red shirt. I was in a strict mood, so I told her to go get a late pass and return in uniform. She was wearing khaki pants when she returned, but she lacked a pass. I told her, once again, to retrieve a late pass. She walked into the room anyway.

I blocked her entry. She shoved me out of the way with her arms. As she forced her way in, she told me to "get out of my f***ing way." As I began to admonish her, she said, "Don't you f***ing talk to me."

Well, that was that. I allowed her to sit down, but I immediately called the school police. Decibals was removed from my class in short time.

I generally don't have those sorts of problems. I expect my students to treat me respectfully and kindly, and they generally do. Even my most obnoxious students do not curse at me. And I have never been assaulted by a student.

Thankfully, I dealt with the situation quickly and with minimal disruption to the rest of my class. Nonetheless, I am really bothered by the incident. I don't like that Decibals would treat me (or any teacher) so disrespectfully. We've been having problems for a while, but certainly nothing should have caused her to act the way she did.

Field Trip Awesome

I took my kids on a field trip to a local nature outreach center. My kids visited three different ecosystems -- a forest, a meadow, and a pond -- and learned about the different adaptations that animals have in order to survive in their environments.

I thought the field trip was great. My outdoors-challenged students thought otherwise. Here are some of their comments throughout the day:

"Yo, I be thirsty. Where's the water fountain?"

"I just tripped over two rocks. If I trip over another one, I'm suing."

"Ewwww, there's a fly." "Oh my god!" "That jawn tryin' to land on me!"

"Where the frogs?" "They got 'em at Petco."

"Do we got an elevator or escalator comin' up this hill?" "Can I call a cab?"

Quote of the Day - November 9, 2010

Me: Hey, Rappin' Hairdo, get to work on your questions!

(some time later)

Me: Rappin' Hairdo, how are your questions doing?

Rappin' Hairdo: They're still there. They're not going anywhere.

Awkward Moment of the Day - November 8, 2010

Decibals: Hahahahahaha I can't stop talking and laughing really loudly while Ms. Cyanococcus is trying to teach.

Me: Decibals, will you please be quiet and pay attention?

Decibals: Hahahahahahahahaha Miss, it's not my fault, it's my boyfriend's fault. Hahahahaha I'm going to keep talking and ignore Ms. Cyanococcus.

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: No, Miss, seriously, it's her boyfriend's fault. You can't blame her.

Much whispering and giggling ensued. I overheard the phrase "morning wood" and promptly decided to drop the issue. Decibals continued talking all period.

Hallway Hoopla

Four kids were wandering around the hallway during 8th period. I popped my head outside my classroom and asked them to hurry on to class.

Random Kid: Miss, you're supposed to be supporting us. You can't get us in trouble.

Me: I am supporting you. I want you to go to class so you can pass your classes!

Best Friend of Extremely Obnoxious: THAT'S WHY YOU FAILED ME LAST YEAR, RIGHT?

Observation

I can't get my students to listen to me talk about natural selection... but as soon as I mention that I went to a Sixers game (or a movie, or a coffee shop, or whatever) last night, I have their undivided attention.

Fingerprint Flaw

Me: Our objective today is to distinguish among the three classes of fingerprints.

Phone Addict: Oh my god, this is so easy, I learned this in like third grade or something. (whispers to neighbor) I can't believe she's teaching us this.

Me: Let's start off with a basic definition. A fingerprint is an impression of the pattern of ridges above the top joint of your finger.

Phone Addict: Miss, what's a fingerprint?

Field Trip Funnies #2

Urban Wonder: Miss, where are we going again?

Me: We're going to a center for environmental education. We'll be learning about ecosystems and adaptations, and we'll take a few short hikes.

Urban Wonder: What's a hike?

Me: A hike is a walk outdoors.

Urban Wonder: Well, I know you're a hippie, Miss, but I got my tv.

Quote of the Day - November 1, 2010

Mostly Magnetic: Hey Miss, you wanna know what I was for Halloween?

Me: Um....

Mostly Magnetic: A prostitute! You wanna see my pictures?

Me: Um, no, definitely not.

Quote of the Day - October 29, 2010

Loves Candy: Miss, what's a nice way to say "fat"?

Me: Ummm, how about "pleasantly plump"?

Loves Candy: (begins writing assignment) Loves Candy is pleasantly plump....

Quote of the Day - October 28, 2010

On fitness and adaptations:

Super Student: It's like, all the girls are gonna want the big hunter who brings back lots of meat. Nobody's gonna want the dorky hunter.

Field Trip Woes

Hasn't Come to Class in Four Weeks: Can I drive my own car behind the bus? I'll leave from school and meet you guys at the environmental center.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure the school district won't allow it. You know, there are liability issues and all. You need to take the bus with us if you want to come.

Hasn't Come to Class in Four Weeks: Well.... I got shot three weeks ago, and I can't take buses for another month.

Field Trip Funnies

I'm taking my Environmental Science classes on a field trip to a local environmental center in two weeks. As I was explaining the logistics of the trip, I got this question...

Super Student: Are we taking SEPTA or the cheese bus?

All's Fair in Love and War

Alphabet Soup dumped Arte Johnson. (I found out when I spotted Arte sobbing in the stairwell.) To make matters worse, their rosters were changed so that they are now both in the same Environmental Science class. Oh, irony.

GI Problems

In environmental science, we were talking about upcoming events in the course...

One bright student asked, "Can we digest a frog?"

Sad Quote of the Day - October 22, 2010

I was explaining the difference between K-strategists and r-strategists.

Me: So if a human mother has two to five children, how many of those children will live to adulthood?

Has Two Kids: Maybe one or two. The rest will get shot.

Astute

Nonexistent Attention Span: You be mad cause I'm smarter than you.

Photo Comment of the Day - October 21, 2010

Each day, I post a cool photo of the day. Usually, it's something biological, or else a geographical location of note. Anyhow, one student's reaction to this photo of an adult emperor penguin with his penguin chicks:

"Looks like a bunch of Ricans surrounding a white dude."

Quote of the Day - October 21, 2010

Me: Hi, Straight-Up Obnoxious!

Straight-Up Obnoxious: You know I don't like you. Don't you be sayin' hi to me.

Me: Well, see you later!

Straight-Up Obnoxious: Okay, white trash.

Quote of the Day - October 18, 2010

Part-Time English Speaker: Jibber jabber jibber jabber en espanol

Me: Part-Time English Speaker, please stop talking while I was talking.

Part-Time English Speaker: Jibber jabber jibber jabber en espanol

Me: Part-Time English Speaker!!!!!!

Part-Time English Speaker: Miss... who was talking first?

Forensics Fun

Nonexistent Attention Span: Miss, how come every movie we watch in this class has to do with crime?

~~~~~~~~~

Nonexistent Attention Span: Miss, I think you're obsessed with the word "brown". It's kinda weird.

I've Been Waiting for Someone to Say This...

Me: Who can explain the first level of ecological organization? Yeah, Beatboxes Constantly?

Beatboxes Constantly: An individual, which is a single orgasm.

I'm Lovin' It

I had my forensics science students write skits about a crime scene. Some of the skits were so-so or even downright bad, but some were quite creative. My favorite skit involved a McDonald's customer fighting with the cashier. The security guard came in to support the cashier. He got carried away and assaulted the customer. My students had rehearsed, and they acted well.

The best part, though, was the props. They used paper and colored pencils to make three-dimensional french fries, chicken nuggets, a big mac, and a coke with a straw. They also made a paper pistol. It was so adorable. I spent the rest of the day slurping paper soda.

Plea #2

I got another note from my desperate student:

Hi Ms. I jost wanna told yoo yoo are the best and this test I do the best I can jost because I wanna fix my grade.

Missed a Key Lesson

One student's Do Now:

I wish my inglesh class was fun.

Quote of the Day - October 8, 2010

Dubious: Yo, Miss, they switched me into a new Spanish class last week, and I'm already failing! Like, how is that possible?!

Me: Well, have you been doing your work?

Dubious: Yeah, I do all my work. AND I paid my cousin ten dollars to do my homework for me... I hate my Spanish teacher. She so hype.

Ever True

Heading up to Providence in an hour. Woohoo!!

A Plea

One month into the school year, many of my students are failing my class. One of them left me this note on my attendance sheet:

I don't wanna no "f" please. My mom gonna kill me... help me please, please miss. Love you a lot.

Sexy Animals

After yesterday's discussion, I polled my students on which animals they found sexiest.

Their responses, starting with the most popular:

Tigers
Koalas
Cougars
Panda bears
Kangaroos
Lions
Komodo dragons
Chihuahuas
Mickey Mouse

Quote of the Day - October 5, 2010

In Environmental Science today, I was teaching about consumers (in the context of the carbon cycle). My slide featured a photo of two elephants.

Super Student: Miss, why you gotta show an unsexy animal? Why can't you show something like... koalas?

All's Well in the World of Love

I spotted Arte Johnson and Alphabet Soup holding hands in the hallway. Awwww.

Test Response of the Day - October 4, 2010: Addendum #2

I should have just compiled all of these responses into one post, but it's too late now. Sorry for the deluge.

Question: In four sentences, describe a historical event or discovery that is important to the field of forensic science today.

Response: A discovery that is very important to the field of forensic science is DNA. DNA has made finding criminals so much easier.

Test Response of the Day - October 4, 2010: Addendum

I forgot to mention the most popular response -- the right to bare arms.

Quote of the Day - October 4, 2010

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: Miss, what do I need to know for the test?

Me: The Locard Principle, criminal law vs civil law, plea bargaining, the Bill of Rights...

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: I don't pay no bills. I'm not gonna study that.

Test Response of the Day - October 4, 2010

I gave a unit test to my forensic science students today. One of their short answer questions was, "List three rights guaranteed to you by the Bill of Rights. Give an example for each."

One student wrote, "the right to DNA. the right to a trail."

But, hey, at least he provided an answer!

Weekends

are for lesson planning. The End.

Forensic Science Case Studies

My forensic science students had to complete a history project. As per their requirements, they had to state why the event they were studying is significant to the field of forensic science today.

One group did their project on the Black Dahlia case. They wrote,

"Girls can learn from this. Or dudes. DNA wasn't that great in 1947 but if they had kept some of her DNA they could of found her killer today."

Friday, You Can Hold Your Head

I just walked into my classroom to find that my room is flooded. Great. It's going to be a fun day teaching.

(Kind of ironic that water won't flow out of my sink taps, but it will appear on my floor. Maybe I should bottle it and save it for my next lab.)

Thank You For Caring

Yesterday, I noticed that Arte Johnson was rather mopey. And by mopey, I mean that instead of being his usual jolly, "verrrrry interesting" self, he had his head down and refused to talk to anyone or do his work. Being the Super Teacher Sleuth that I am, I remembered that Arte was dating a student in one of my earlier classes and resolved to talk to her in the morning.

Me: Hey, Alphabet Soup, do you know what was wrong with Arte yesterday?

Alphabet Soup: Nope, no idea.

Me: Nothing at all? Because he seemed miserable in class.

Alphabet Soup: How should I know? I dumped him yesterday.

Quote of the Day - September 29, 2010

Thinks I Should Go Tanning: Miss, can I call you Ms. L-Booty from now on?

Teach, Vomit, Teach

Yesterday was without a doubt my worst day of teaching. My kids were well-behaved, and I had prepared my lessons in advance. But sometime around 11am, while I was teaching my 5th period class about sea turtles in the Gulf of Mexico, I moved my hands instinctively to my mouth. A moment later, I ran into the prep room that adjoins my room and vomited violently into the trash can. I returned and, amidst gleeful accusations that I was pregnant, continued to teach.

The same thing happened 6th period, though a little earlier in the lesson. I ran out of the room, vomited, and came back, all smiles to teach. At the same time, my body was starting to betray me. I could no longer stand up. My head pounded. My mouth burned. One of my best friends had invited me to observe his lesson during one of my free periods, but I couldn't even sit still at a desk without feeling pain and discomfort. I was committed to teaching my final, 9th period class, but I eventually accepted the obvious, that I was in no condition to get up in front of a class. Fortunately, my amazing coteacher, who has 9th period free, agreed to teach my class for me. I was helping her set up at the beginning of the period, when I knew I had to run. I didn't make it to the prep room but vomited into my classroom's trash can, just as two students walked in.

That last event really bothered me. While I don't want to get any students sick, it's important to me to teach at all times, even if I'm not feeling my best. In general, I think my students benefit more from their regular teacher functioning at 75% than a substitute. In this case, my coteacher does not really count as a substitute. She knew the material and handled the class impressively, given that she didn't know most of the students. Between me and her, she was the better choice to teach the class yesterday. Nevertheless, I was disappointed in myself. I thought I was invincible, but I guess I'm not.

Quote of the Day - September 28, 2010

Remember, way back when, how it was exclusively for college students?

Super Student (making plans with a friend in the hallway): I don't got my phone though, so just hit me up on the book.

Quote of the Day - September 27, 2010

Every Monday, I collect Do Nows from the previous week. Of the hundreds of Do Nows (well, maybe not that many. My students' submission rate is still rather low.) I read today, this was my favorite:

This weekend is going to pop. I am going to the Puerto Rican Day Parade on Sunday, which will be poping.

There is always an I In Team

via Graph Jam

Shiftiness

As long as I'm blogging about office supplies, I may as well rant a little bit about my most-hated office supply company: 3M.

Growing up, I took post-it notes for granted. But when one of my best friends from high school developed a minor obsession with them, I began to respect the brilliance of a piece of paper that contains its own adhesive. No tape. Yes convenience. Ten points for efficiency!

But recently, I've come to believe that 3M is evil (and quite clever). Super sticky post-it notes have infiltrated the market. Now, when I go office supply shopping, I have no choice but to spend more money on super sticky post-it notes because -- let's face it -- who wants to buy weakly sticky post-it notes?! I know I can't work with inferior quality. And 3M knows it can claim a slightly larger percentage of my paycheck.

Bastards.

VS

If It's Not Difficult, It's...

Yesterday, I spent 5 hard-earned dollars on an Easy button. Today, I found that my life as a teacher has changed forever. Owning an Easy button makes everything better. Smiles are easier, skips are easier, sarcasm is easier (not that I find any of those things challenging). I love it!

That was easy!

Gossip?

When I see kids passing notes during class, I like to think back to my own golden days of note passing. The scandals, the rumors...! So I was very excited when I saw that two students had left their sheet of paper behind on the desk. I grappled a bit with betraying their right to confidentiality, until I saw the sophistication of the note...

u suck!

u suck!

I hate you!

I dont like u

I dnt like you more slicer lol

you is slicer

nah ma nigga u iz

Why Am I Awake Right Now?

I knew I had a lot of work to do before the weekend began. Finish a unit plan, write daily lesson plans for submission to my principal, make slideshows for the week, grade quizzes, prepare labs. I did, however, expect to have plenty of time to hang out with friends and even go to the Phillies game on Saturday night. But Saturday afternoon came along, and I hadn't accomplished anything. I felt the stress monster creeping up on me. (What?? It's too early in the year for this!) So I canceled plans to go see Phillies, turned up Pandora (and used at least a quarter of my monthly allotment), and got to work. I made every effort to focus. I was fairly productive. Yet I only achieved one and a half of my goals for the night. I wasn't tired when I turned off my computer at 12:45am, but I figured it was necessary.

I jerked awake at 5:30am. (Seriously? That's a tad earlier than when I wake up during the work week.) After mentally rearranging all the clothes in my closet by color and reading five New York Times articles (Nate Silver is the man), I gave up and shuffled over to my desk. Right now, I am thinking deep thoughts about forensic science as I wait for the sun to come up.

Yes, I love my kids. Yes, I love teaching them. Yes, I wish I could have more fun and get more sleep on the weekends. But I gotta do what I gotta do, I guess.

Quote of the Day - September 15, 2010

Today is Wednesday, the fifth day of school this year. Two small, skinny girls are sitting together in the back of my classroom and chatting, waiting for class to start. One of them has come to school every single day so far; the other has appeared on my roster since the beginning, but this is only the first time I've seen her.

Ms. Absent: Sorry I couldn't come to school, Miss. I had to figure out daycare for my son.

Ms. Present: Omigod I know! Daycare was so much easier to find last year!

I didn't even ask how old their sons were...

Quote of the Day #2 - September 14, 2010

I assigned my students a poem by John Godfrey Saxe -- about six blind men, an elephant, and the power of observation. They had to read the poem and then answer a few questions that related the poem to the scientific method. Before we began to discuss the questions together, I asked them what they thought of the poem.

Several students raised their hands calmly. I called on them one by one.

Student #1: It was weird, yo.

Student #2: It was butt.

Student #3: (quite pensively) Well, it was definitely weird, but I wouldn't say it was butt.

Quote of the Day - September 14, 2010

I create attendance sheets for my students to sign in at the beginning of class each day. Typically, I update the sheets for each class every weekend, and then I make five copies for the coming week. At this time of year, students are switching classes so frequently that the attendance sheet I made on Friday afternoon does not necessarily reflect who is supposed to be in my class the next Tuesday.

Hairstyling Diva: Yo Miss, why isn't my name on the attendance sheet? I warned you yesterday...

Me: Hairstyling Diva, I told you already, you were just switched into my class. I promise, next week your name will be on there. Just write your name on the bottom for now.

Hairstyling Diva: No, Miss, that's hype.

Me: .....

Hairstyling Diva: LOOK, YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE? (looks incredibly huge and threatening, then breaks into a big smile.) Oh, Miss, we're so bff right now.

Highlights - September 13, 2010

It's Day 3! Wow! I'm so energized!

Some highlights:

• I'm free 1st period. I was chilling out, enjoying the peace and solitude, when two girls timidly opened the door and said in unison, "Hey, Miss!" I didn't know the girls, but they knew exactly who I was. (That's what you get for being a second-year teacher. Woohoo!) They explained that, after two days of school, they hate their 1st period class. Could they hang out with me during first period? Flattered, I let them stay for a few minutes before I sent them on their way. Guess I'm the cool teacher now!
• My kids were all delighted and weirded out by my energy. I told them life is too short to move slowly.
• On that note, my kids in 6th period ganged up on me. One of them asked, "Miss, why you so happy all the time?" And from another student: "What's to be so happy about?" "Yeah, don't you know life sucks?" I'm going to have to work on them. They'll see it my way before long.
• 9th period is my smallest class. Yet it is somehow my most talkative. Jabber jabber jabber will you please be quiet okay miss jabber jabber jabber. Why can I control 34 kids but not 8?

Overall, today was a really great day. Content-wise, we're doing dull scientific method stuff for now, so I'm very excited to get started on legit environmental and forensics coursework.

Quote of the Day - September 8, 2010

On Wednesday, my environmental science students competed with one another to build the tallest tower out of 50 straws and 1 meter of masking tape. The groups worked cooperatively and produced some pretty cool (and occasionally tall) towers.

I only had 6 students during 9th period. They separated themselves into a group of 4 and a group of 2 - 2 boys, in fact. The larger group worked quickly at assembling what became a 90 cm tower. Meanwhile, the boys were diligently building a twisted mess. I went over to investigate...

Possibly Problematic But Certainly Creative: Well, we knew they were going to win for the tallest tower... So we built the tallest roller coaster.

Quote of the Day - September 7, 2010

I was delighted to see that Combustible But Awesome, one of my favorite biology students, is taking Forensic Science with me this year. At the end of class, she approached me...

Combustible But Awesome: Miss, you know how I am. I really want to be good this year. But those girls behind me keep talking while you're talking, and I can't stand it. I held it in all day today, but I don't know if I can last. They're pissing me off! I'm gonna explode! Make them stop, miss, please!

The Blog Is Back... And So Is School

Hi everyone! Welcome back! I took an unannounced summer vacation from blogging. I apologize for that; I'll try to do better in the future.

Anyhow, I am back in the front of the classroom and ready to begin blogging again. Already, I am very excited for this year to get underway. I remember my first day of school last year -- how jittery and awkward I was. My students knew that I was new immediately. I thought they were oh so perceptive, but I realize now how easy it was to see through my scripted lines and unfamiliarity with the school.

Fast forward one year. I was much less prepared for the first day of school, which was yesterday, in the sense that I had not planned out every minute of every period. However, I knew what I wanted to say and what points I wanted to emphasize. I was much more relaxed and genuinely content to meet my new students. The result? With few exceptions, my kids were well-behaved and excited to learn. Several of them explicitly stated that they were looking forward to my class.

I'm looking forward to teaching them.

What a difference a year makes.

To Charter or Not To Charter?

I haven't touched on the pros and cons of charter schools (yet), but I am having a lively debate about charters with one of my best friends over at her blog, The Education Buzz. Come join the discussion!

Another Reason to Push for Post-Secondary Education

I spend a significant amount of time in the classroom waxing poetic about my Brown experiences, in hopes of encouraging more of my students, particularly my sophomores, to think about college. The dilemma I face is not surprising -- While college matriculation was a given where I attended high school, a majority of the students I teach are resistant. This is logical -- Their parents (and most other adults in their lives) are unlikely to have attended college, so it is a giant unknown for them. I grew up accustomed to a certain lifestyle (which I knew was made possibly by my parents' college education), and so have my students. Luckily, many of the students who make it to senior year have adopted a pro-college stance. Still, there is a lot of work to do.

Why? For a lot of reasons, of course. Yet another compelling argument showed up in my Google Reader this morning, from an Economix post entitled "Do You Earn More Than Your Parents Did?" The post discusses a Bureau of Labor Statistics report, in which it was found that men today earn less than equally educated men in 1979, with the exception of the most highly educated men. Women today earn more than equally educated women in 1979, with the exception of the least educated women. This report confirms what we already know -- that, in the past 30 years, the earnings potential for the most educated has risen, while that for the leasat educated has dropped.

The report touches me in two ways:

First, health care is a great example of a booming field in which available jobs require specialized, post-secondary training, if not a college degree. I have SO MANY students who want to work in health care, as physicians, nurses, paramedics, or simply anywhere near a hospital. But very few of them have the drive to pursue their dream after high school. They are, for the most part, bright enough and personable enough to do the job. So what's holding them back? And what can I do to help?

Second, women have definitely benefited more than men in the present economic climate. One reason is that women made significantly less than men in 1979, and the income gap has since narrowed substantially. On the other hand, many fields that have traditionally attracted women, including health care, are still doing well. There are many, many frames for this discussion, but I think it is same to say that women have been more fortunate than men over the past few years. As such, it was especially troubling for me to attend Blueberry High School's graduation ceremony less than a month ago and see that two-thirds of the graduating class was female.

A Perversion in Philadelphia

As I've blogged over the eight months, I've tried to stay away from the political and focus on my experiences with my students.

However, I do have strong feelings about what goes on in my school district, particularly about the (IMHO) mishandling of low-performing schools. A Good Day Teaching writes passionately about the situation at West Philadelphia High School. If you teach in Philly or are simply interested in the behind-the-scenes dealings of an urban district, please read her thoughts.

Note: Her post is very slanted. For basic coverage of the most recent incident involving West, check out The Notebook or The Inquirer.

Our Lives, Our Fortunes, and Our Sacred Honor

From Sunday night, on the Parkway...

Hope everyone is enjoying their July so far!

We Mutually Pledge to Each Other...

I took a hiatus from blogging for about two weeks while I went on a road trip with two of my best friends. I'm back now, ready to tell some stories, share some thoughts from the past year.

In the meantime, in honor of our nation's 234th birthday, I thought I'd share this photo, from The Washington Note.

Happy 4th of July!!

The End

Our last day of school with students was Friday. (I saw a grand total of 4 students. However, I did teach a bunch of kids how to play SET. I also went on a long walk with one of my students and gave a very compelling speech about why she should think seriously about college.)

Tomorrow is the last day of school for faculty and staff.

I'm rather ambivalent about this. My job became my passion this year. While I welcome the break, I am going to miss that which makes me so happy every day.

Doldrums, Part II

Bored out of my mind, and exploring the internet. I found this great (and accurate) description of how scientists view the world:

via Abstruse Goose

Doldrums

Three days of nothing down, two to go.

What on earth am I going to do today? I never thought I would miss teaching so much, so soon.

...I don't even have any funny quotes these days! This is what happens when I come to school but don't see my students!

She Did It!

You may remember my student who dropped out of school, but who returned after some reconsidering...

Well, she graduated! She did it! I watched her march across the stage with pride and accept her diploma. And now she intends to attend a 4-year university! I really hope she pulls through...

Future aside, I am really proud of her present accomplishments.

GRADUATION!

Today was the happiest and saddest day of my year. While we have three throw-away days to go, today truly marked the end of my first year of teaching. More importantly, my seniors, whom I have loved and nurtured and worked so hard for this year, graduated. My kids graduated! I was so proud of them as they stood on line and waited to process into the arena. When the valedictorian gave his speech, I nearly broke down (and I NEVER cry; even coming close is a major accomplishment for me). Their names were called, they flipped their tassels from right to left. They are my seniors... my graduates.

Bloop Bloop

In 2009, high school students took a record 2.9 million AP exams. (For my readers who have been hiding in a cave for the past 50 years, AP exams are comprehensive subject-centered exams that are intended to determine college readiness.) Students take the exams in early May, and AP teachers converge in June to grade their essays.

Several of my students took the AP US History exam last month. I certainly hope they did not pen some of these hilarious lines, sifted through by this year's AP readers:

Question 2: about the factors that led to America's victory in the Revolutionary War.

-- At the time, America had the most advanced communication system in the world -- Paul Revere.

-- England viewed the colonies as nothing more than a back-talking teenager that needed to be smacked.

Question 3: about the role of slavery in causing the Civil War

-- With the end of Reconstruction, the Civil War was not far ahead.

-- Slavery was like the crazy uncle in every family - everyone acknowledges the problem, but no one wants to confront it.

-- Most western states are in the South.

-- The Misery Compromise only delayed the Civil War.

Read more at Betsy's Page.

Walking Companion

I was taking a walk across my neighborhood on Saturday night when I saw a familiar face: a student in one of my coworker's classes. Since she is not my student, I didn't know anything about her, except that I knew her to have a sweet and generous nature. She giggled when she saw me and asked if I lived in the neighborhood. I answered in the affirmative and asked the same of her. She hesitated, giggled some more, and then told me that she had recently been placed in a battered women's shelter two blocks north of the street corner on which we were standing. She said she was out exploring the neighborhood. I invited her to take a walk with me.

As we talked, she confirmed my preconceived impression of her in every way. Finally, I asked her why she was living in the shelter. She said that she had gotten into a fight with her father and stepmother. The fight had gotten physical, and her parents eventually called the police on her. The powers that be immediately pulled her from her parents and placed her in the shelter in which she is currently living. I asked if she wanted to go home after her sojourn in the shelter, and she shook her head vigorously. She didn't know what she was going to do, but she didn't feel safe with her parents.

Throughout our entire walk, I was so impressed by the grace and maturity she exhibited. I am still amazed at what my students go through, and how well some of them handle it. Even after a year of teaching, I can't quite fathom how such young people shoulder such large burdens.

I really hope everything works out for her. With any luck, I'll see her around the neighborhood again, and we'll get to take another walk.

Chameleon

Has a Hugging Problem gave me her tshirt today. It's a pretty cute Hollister shirt. So I'm wearing it and looking all neon and sparkly and blending in with the students more than ever.

Proof? I've been yelled at 5 times today for cutting class.

To Fail or To Pass

I'm having a horrible day at school. There is a lot of pressure to graduate students, and.... well, as one counselor said, "_______ won't be needing Environmental Science for whatever she does after high school, so you might as well pass her."

Ugh! Nevertheless, it's Friday, and I'm managing to maintain a cheerful attitude.

Broken Window

Today's Do Now question was, "Who is the most important person in your life? What can you do to improve your relationship with that person?"

Nucleus, who is normally incredibly disruptive and averse to doing work, asked me to read his Do Now:

I say the most important person in my life is my mom. I say my mom because she is always their [sic] for me and now I have to take care of her. I have to take care of her because my mom has AIDS and I was sad when I found out. I wanted to kill myself. She had AIDS for six years. Every time I am in school I think of her, and hope she is alright at home. That's why my mom is the most important person in my life.

Wow. Just when you think a kid is just plain obnoxious, he open a window into his life and makes you wonder, if only I had known this before.

Focus on Positivity

Lately, I have noticed a deluge of news articles, opinion pieces, and blog posts about optimism, forgiveness, and making the most of life (and much of it related to dogs).

Some tidbits of wisdom...

...From Can Pets Improve Your Relationship?

-- Even when pets drive us crazy by wrecking the furniture or soiling the floor, we don't stay angry at them. Similarly, we shouldn't hold grudges with our friends and family.

-- Even on bad days, we greet our pets cheerfully. After all, they probably had nothing to do with why our day went wrong and therefore shouldn't bear the burden of our rotten mood....

...From Patrick Moburg's Lessons from a Dog

-- Always be curious about the world around you, especially when new people come into it.

-- Give and accept affection, freely and often.

...From Nick Kristof's most recent New York Times column, about dealing with a cancer scare

-- Spend more time with family.

-- Appreciate the world around you, despite its imperfection.

And I think so much of this relates to teaching...

Bad Blueberry Buzz

Blueberries have now made the "Dirty Dozen" list -- the list of fruits and vegetables that are so contaminated by pesticides that the Environmental Working Group recommends you only buy them organic. Really unfortunate.

The good news is that frozen blueberries have only half the insecticides found on fresh blueberries. Furthermore, frozen blueberries deliver a much higher number of proanthocyanidins than the fresh variety. So even though frozen blueberries don't have that same juicy zing, they are nevertheless a delicious and nutritious alternative.

Quote of the Day - June 6, 2010

Bright Kid With World's Biggest Attitude Problem just called me to ask a question about an extra credit assignment I had given him. When I made an allusion to the BP oil spill, he said

"Oh yeah... I heard there was an oil spill or something. Like, my 8-year-old cousin was talking about some oil spill yesterday."

Period 2 Awesomeness

Turquoise-Colored Glasses: Are you telling me that french fries are bad for you? ARE YOU F***ING SERIOUS?!

~~~~~~~~~

(Holds Onto Sketch's Stuff So That Sketch Doesn't Need to Carry His Own Bookbag is unsure if he needs to complete the work he missed when he was absent.)

Adorable But Slightly Sketchy Student: Yo, you so dumb, obviously you need to do all the work you missed. You have to, like, be responsible.

Preparedness

In Environmental Science, one of my smartest and laziest students neglected to bring her packet (in which all of her unit work is contained) to class for the second day in a row. Upon questioning, she told me her packet was in her locker. But when I wrote her a pass to go to her locker, she flat-out refused to leave. I asked and coaxed and pleaded with her to go to her locker, and still she refused, telling me she "didn't feel like it." I then directed her to go to her locker. Still, a refusal. Finally, I asked her to stand outside for the rest of the class. I know that probably wasn't the best option, but I was beginning to worry about the value of my authority. And I felt that if she wasn't going to obey my instruction to be prepared, that I had to assert my authority and command respect somehow, for her sake for the sake of the rest of the class. I still don't know what the best course of action would have been.

Quote of the Day - June 2, 2010

Boisterous But Lovable: Miss, you HOT! Can we go out sometime?

I think I may need to change his pseudonym to "Sex Maniac" or something along those lines.

Popularity Pays Off

According to a study I've been reading, popularity in high school positively correlates with higher wages later in life. Specifically, one additional friendship nomination in high school is associated with a 2% higher wage 35 years later. This is equivalent to almost half the gain from an extra year of education. Shifting someone from the bottom fifth to the top fifth of the school popularity distribution would be predicted to yield him a 10% wage advantage.

Why? I'm guessing strong leadership skills and persuasive powers, especially developed so early in life, are at play here. Any thoughts?

via Barking Up the Wrong Tree (via Economix)

Quote of the Day - June 1, 2010

Precocious and Matter-of-Fact: Miss, it was a three-day weekend. So I can't learn all week.

True, we're all burnt out and checked out, and holiday weekends always require some recovery time. But even so...

Melancholy on a Monday

I had an amazing weekend at Brown, and I can hardly believe it's over. I think I'm experiencing some form of withdrawal (but hopefully this is a sorrow as transient as April's brief showers).

At any rate, I'm missing my kids, and I'm excited to see them tomorrow! This is also the last week I have to teach my seniors. I'm really really not excited about that. Next Monday, I'll see them in the hallways and at graduation practice... but not in my classroom.

Drawbacks

Crazy kids stole my phone! (I don't think they were my kids, but I don't want to point any fingers. Suffice it to say my kids are really truly under control and know better.) Had to go buy a new one...

Lesson #347 of Teaching: Kids Respond to Incentives

Incentive: If you guys are well-behaved throughout the entire lesson, we'll go downstairs to the bake sale at the end of class, and I'll buy you each a cookie.

The Result: Impeccably behaved classes. Active participation. 90% engagement. (It's almost June, and I still can't get every kid.) And so almost all of my students now understand niches and the competitive exclusion principle.

And they love me, because I bought them cookies. Added bonus.

Quote(s) of the Day - May 26, 2010

During a lesson on ecology, upon explaining that producers convert sun energy into sugar...

Rooster: Wait, so are you saying that all food contains sugar?

Makes Barnyard Animal Sounds: Oh my god, he just said that waffles don't have sugar! Haha, he's so dumb!

Barnyard spent the rest of the period whistling, humming, and oinking.

~~~~~~~~~

Me: Extremely Obnoxious, stop talking to Master of Righteous Indignation.

Obnoxious: I SWEAR I was talking to Master of Righteous Indignation... So get out of my face, and stop saying my name.

Appreciate Your Teachers!

In honor of Teacher Appreciation Month (Wow, I had no idea we got a month of appreciation.), Bing is hosting a wonderful way for you to appreciate and remember your influential teachers: Tell a story about a teacher who played an important role in your life, and Bing will give you a $5 donation to use on Donors Choose, so that you can help other teachers.

Sounds amazing! Go do it! And tell your friends!

via GOOD

Notes From a Monday

Not so manic... Attendance was fairly decent in the morning and in the afternoon. However, half my class was out for testing 2nd period, so I had a grand total of 7 kids (out of 15). Fourth period was even worse -- 9 kids showed up, out of 24.

Some of my favorite moments:

-- Upon learning that we were starting our ecology unit, one of my students proclaimed, "Oh, I think that's the part I like!"

-- Insecure About Other People Being As Smart As He Is told me he would rather study for a multiple choice and essay-style final exam rather than do the project-style final I assigned. Not sure to what extent that is true and to what extent he is trying to show off to his classmates.

-- One of my most obnoxious students came to class on time, sat down quietly, and not only took notes but also was the only person to complete her homework during the 5 minutes left over at the end of class.

Manic Monday

School ends June 18th, so today is the start of the last four weeks of school. My students are checking out mentally. Many have already informed me that they have no intention of coming to school once it gets to be hot and sunny on a regular basis. They already have a bad track record of attending when it rains (which is sort of justifiable, since so many walk to school). Today is supposed to be rainy and 75 degrees.

So if we combine the factors of rain, high temperatures, end of the year, and Monday, I wonder what attendance will be like today....

Hopefully, high, because I am teaching exciting stuff today (and starting a new unit -- ecology! -- in biology). But attendance is a very sobering matter.

Weekday Warrior

So three of my smartest 10th graders stayed after class today to tell me how badly they want to go to schools like Brown and NYU, and could I help them come up with a step-by-step plan to get into those schools.

I was floored. Wow! My kids are going places!

Quote of the Day - May 19, 2010

On the availability of browsers on the School District laptops...

Yells At Me For Interrupting Her While She Is Gossiping: Wow, I can't believe we have to use Firefox or Chrome. Internet Explorer is sooooo much better.

Research Shows Merit Pay For Teachers Is a Terrible Idea

My good friend just wrote about merit pay for teachers here, inspiring me to muse on the topic as well.

A new report from the nonpartisan Economics Policy Institute (EPI) argues strongly against tying teacher pay to test scores, highlighting two major fallacies championed by the pro-merit pay camp:

1. Merit pay is widespread in the private sector. Well, no, it's not. It's really only prevalent in the sorts of fields, like finance, real estate, and sales, that helped to generate the global economic crisis.

2. Merit pay has positive consequences for workers. Again, this argument is erroneous. Negative consequences are the result in many, many cases where workers are trying to meet quotas -- think about cops trying to meet monthly quotas, or the case in which bus drivers in Santiago, Chile were paid according to how many passengers they picked up. What happened? A spike in bus crashes, as bus drivers sped around the city trying to increase their passenger load.

Esther Wojcicki, a California English teacher and the mother of Google co-founder Sergey Brin, writes on The Huffington Post that teachers do need incentives, but that these incentives are far different from what our policymakers (like Secretary of Education Arne Duncan and DC Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee) are focused on. Citing research by Daniel Pink, she writes that that teachers are far more motivated to work their hardest when they are "aligned with the purpose of the job," enjoy some "autonomy," and receive "support in gaining mastery" of their job."

The teachers I work with are incredibly purpose-driven. If anything, the types of strategies that get us down and drive us to apathy are exactly those our administrators employ in an effort to raise test scores -- stop teaching your content in a creative way and start teaching high-stakes testing strategies in a tedious, often scripted way. I already work pretty hard, but I would love more respect, more autonomy, and more support. I can imagine my classroom culture and students' capacity to learn would only improve. Maybe, in time, test scores would as well.

via GOOD

What Is Life?

I just read a really interesting essay by Carl Zimmer on how to define life, or whether a definition matters. The piece exposes the litany of definitions of life -- life must transform carbon dioxide, or contain membranes, or contain DNA, or it must evolve -- within the scientific community. It also exposes our curious current state of affairs, where we spend so much time arguing over issues, like stem cells and abortion and genetically modified foods, to which the meaning of life is crucial, yet we cannot actually agree on what life is.

Zimmer goes on to explain the platform of Carol Cleland, an astrobiological philosopher who argues a comprehensive definition of life is in fact unnecessary to our study of life. So much of the universe is yet undiscovered that we are limiting ourselves to arbitrary terms until we increase our sample size. In other words, we cannot purport to define life until we confront forms of life radically different from what we know here on Earth. Until then, we risk overlooking that which is life, perhaps bizarrely so, due to our possibly narrow constraints. This view commonly plays out with regard to viruses -- Scientists intensely debate whether or not viruses are living things, yet biologists continue to study viruses in their labs.

My favorite part of the essay discussed the origin of the debate on the meaning of life. It turns out that the instigator was not a biologist, but rather a physicist named Erwin Schrodinger. (Physics students around the world love and hate Schrodinger. At the same time). Schrodinger wondered how life seemed to violate the laws of physics: While everything else in the universe tends toward entropy, life is based on order, from ecosystems down to molecules. ...What a wonderful idea!

read The Meaning of Life

Blueberries Linked to ADHD

A new study, published in the prestigious Pediatrics journal, has found a link between attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and the organophosphate pesticides commonly used on non-organic strawberries, blueberries, and celery. The researchers studied 1139 children between the ages of 8 and 15; nearly 10% of those children met the criteria for ADHD.

Pretty scary. And why blueberries, of all foods? :(

via Pediatrics (via The Independent)

Lock-Out!

Oh, the challenges of being a first-year teacher in an overcrowded urban school! Not only do I float from classroom to classroom, since I am too junior to have my own classroom, but I don't have a key to any of the classrooms I teach in. So I showed up to class today only to find out that it was locked. Nobody in the building seems to know how to open the door. So much for the test I was planning to give... I guess my kids are happy!

One More Unit

I have one more unit to plan (ecology), and that's it for the entire year! I feel so close to being free! So close to no longer being a first-year teacher!

I can't believe how quickly time has passed....

A Bakery of Blood Cells!

Isa Humble is my hero. One of them. She bakes the most delicious-looking cookies, and, even better, she blogs about it at Not So Humble Pie. Best of all, she is fond of baking biology themed cookies. Below, a petri dish and a cephalopod.

But now, she has teamed up with histology lecturer Joanne Masterer at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign to create a video explaining all the different cells that make up your bloodstream. It's delightfully delicious and dorky!




via Boing Boing

Bad Day

For some reason, yesterday was one of my worst days at school so far this year. I figured that since I had made it all the way to mid-May, it would be smooth sailing for the rest of the year, but I guess not.

In 4th period, my kids tried to put me in the middle of a dispute they were having with another teacher, and I exacerbated the situation rather than diffusing it early on. In my defense, I was really taken aback by the suddenness of their assault. On the other hand, I work every day with a bunch of crazy kids, and I should have my wits about me at all times. I guess I was caught between feeling the need to stand up for my colleague while also wanting to protect my kids, for whom I feel almost motherly sometimes.

6th period was typical. They entered the class like animals, miraculously became well-behaved during the lesson and repeatedly demonstrated their mastery of the material, and left class like animals. No surprises there.

But 7th period was the worst. First, I tried to separate Master of Righteous Indignation and his BFF. When the two of them sit together, they talk loudly and cause disruptions that affect not only their learning, but that of the rest of the class as well. Their attitudes also tend to explode when they are together, and today was no exception. They cursed at me as soon as I approached them during the Do Now, and they flat-out refused to move. I brought in an NTA (non-teaching assistant) to help out, and they gave her even worse treatment, calling her the N-word. When she abruptly disappeared, I realized that 40% of my class had joined together in a loud, profane, and physical classroom management crisis.

After 9 months of teacher, I should be better equipped to deal with this kind of thing. However, my frustration got the best of me, and I ended up getting into a screaming match with one of my students. In the middle of yelling, I realized what I was doing and became ashamed of myself, which lowered my confidence and competence even more. Everyone finally calmed down a bit and returned to their seats, at which point they promptly started talking too loudly for me to teach. So I stopped teaching. I flipped through the slides without explaining everything. I felt miserable, but defeated. This wasn't the way my classroom was supposed to be. My kids certainly weren't learning. Some of my kids may have felt that they were winning, but I (and my kids who had been sitting quietly and attentively the entire time) knew we were all losing.

The situation finally improved when the NTA returned with the scariest assistant principal. He gave my students a stern lecture about respect and its role in education, and he left with Master of Righteous Indignation and his BFF. When 7th period ended, I collapsed in gratitude for the end of my work week.

Quote of the Day - May 14, 2010

Me: Bright Kid With World's Biggest Attitude Problem, turn around, stop talking, put the phone away, and get back to work.

Bright Kid With World's Biggest Attitude Problem: Oh my god. Certain teachers don't understand that we're kids, and we only care about having fun.

Can't Stop Laughing at Verizon

This is about 3 years out of date, but I only just discovered it. And since it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen, I can't help posting it here...

Take that, Verizon!

via xkcd

Some Darwin Mix-Ups

A few gems from my evolution quiz:

Who was Charles Darwin, and what did he contribute to the study of evolution?

"Charles Darwin was a biological specimen."

What was the name of Darwin's controversial book?

"Organisms and Theyre Specs and Babies"

Sketch Is on a Roll

In Environmental Science, we are doing an activity that involves comparing the impact on the climate made by poor people as opposed to wealthier people....

Adorable But Slightly Sketchy Student: Yo, you so dumb, why would you buy a radio instead of a bicycle? If you only have $200 in lifetime savings, buy a f***ing bicycle so you can get to work and make more money.

Turquoise-Colored Glasses: I don't know... I just thought a radio would be fun. And then I have $50 left, so I can take the bus.

Sketch: Nooooo, you dumb as sh*t. It says here that taking the bus everyday costs $125, so your $50 doesn't mean anything. Get a bike! Transportation is so f***ing important compared to a radio. Get your priorities straight! And bikes are better for the environment anyway, so you're making climate change better by having a bike!

Sketchy Student Wins Again!

Adorable But Slightly Sketchy Student: Yo yo Miss, you promised we could watch movies every day for the rest of the year.

Me: I definitely never promised that.

Sketch: Oh sh*t, I was hoping if I said that, you'd believe me!

Mother's Day Shenaniganz

Cute When Distracted: I sent out a text to all my non-mother friends that said, "Happy Non-Mother's Day! Congratulations! You haven't gotten pregnant yet!"

A New Addition to the Smithsonian?

The AP US History teacher is taking his AP kids on a field trip to Washington, DC, in a few weeks. One student excitedly told me about the trip:

We're going to the Holocaust Museum and the Lincoln Memorial, and then we're going to the National Shops!

She's going to be sorely disappointed at finding out the National Mall is a large expanse of grass.

On Having a Neandertal as a Great-Great-Great-Grandmother

A Draft Sequence of the Neandertal Genome

I am so excited to learn about this. I'm doing my best with my kids to get beyond the banal basics of natural selection and into the more interesting specifics of adaptive human evolution. We are slowly learning about various examples of selection pressures, and I'm delighted to see that my students are buying it! Most of them were initially resistant, but they are opening up to the science more than I think they realize.

That being said, I learned today yet another lesson about assuming too much of my students' prior knowledge. Excitedly, I stood before my 6th period class and said, "Hey! Did you guys know that we share about 4% of our DNA with Neandertals?!!" And I got blank stares. Not a single student had ever heard of a Neandertal. I did my best to explain, but the news was kind of lost on them. And so I lost a little of my ebullience.

On the Natural Selection of Rabbits

Me: So if these rabbits are picked off by predators from the land AND the air, what kind of rabbits will we probably see in the next generation?

Poorly Influenced by Boisterous But Lovable: Flying rabbits!

Interestingly enough, I got that same answer in all three of my biology classes. My kids have such wild imaginations!

On Whale Evolution

I asked my biology students to write essays on whale evolution.

This is how Bright Kid With World's Biggest Attitude Problem began his essay:

Back in the days I'm talking before people were alive (prehistoric times) there were whales.

Quote of the Day - May 5, 2010

During a lesson on natural selection...

Makes Barnyard Animal Noises begins to whistle softly while taking notes. I ignore him and continue teaching.

Five minutes later...

Makes Barnyard Animal Noises: Miss, do you hear a bird in here?

Quote of the Day - May 3, 2010

Me: Oh my god, Best Friend of Extremely Obnoxious, be quiet!!

Best Friend of Extremely Obnoxious: MISS, CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW YOUR BREATH SMELLS?

Me: Just be quiet. Please!

Best Friend: NO, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HOW YOUR BREATH SMELLS. RIGHT NOW.

Me: We can talk about my breath after class. Let's get back to homologous structures.

Best Friend: MISS, I JUST WANT YOUR OPINION. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN PEOPLE SAY YOU HAVE BAD BREATH?

Quote(s) of the Day - April 30, 2010

Me: Extremely Obnoxious, come on, I told you to stop talking and start taking notes.

Extremely Obnoxious: I told you to get out of my face!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Obnoxious Best Friend of Extremely Obnoxious: MISS, IF EVOLUTION IS TRUE, HOW COME I WASN'T A FISH WHEN I WAS BORN?

Quote(s) of the Day - April 29, 2010

(During Environmental Science, while talking about the Broad Street Run, for some reason)

Me: So a few years ago, a schoolteacher died while running in the Broad Street Run...

Adorable But Slightly Sketchy Student: Yo, that's so hype. If I died during a race, I'd be mad as sh*t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Extremely Obnoxious, why did you just walk out of my room when I explicitly told you not to leave?

Extremely Obnoxious: I hate when you think you can tell me what to do. Can't you see, I just do what I want. I don't give a f*ck what you say. So get out of my face.

Quotes from Another Crazy Classroom

Well, just one quote.

Silly Student: There was an earthquake in my body, and my pants exploded!

Survivor: Teaching

Teaching is certainly a challenging job. That being said, I realize most jobs have their ups and downs, and I don't like to prance around trying to persuade others that my job is harder than theirs. Most people I know work very hard at their jobs and deserve credit for the work they do.

Nevertheless, I found this hilarious:

***Next Season on Survivor***

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?

Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 20-25 students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.H.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways.

In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month.

They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the ESOL tests. If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their
job.

via the AP Biology listserv

Quizzz, Part Two

I totally forgot to post the big news last week!...

My kids averaged an 84 on their transcription/translation quiz. They did so well! I am so proud of them! In particular, they completely mastered transcribing DNA into mRNA and using the genetic code to translate mRNA into amino acids. Big stuff!

Yay! My kids rock!

Words of Wisdom from my Students

Adorable But Slightly Sketchy Student: Yo Miss, I didn't finish all my Do Nows from last week, but I'm gonna hand them in anyway, because I know it's better to hand in work on time.

Me: Absolutely! Thanks so much!

Sketch: Yo yo, do I get extra credit for that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My high school completely reshuffled due to State Test madness. As a result, my 4th period class was temporarily moved from the 3rd floor to the 2nd floor for about three weeks. Everything returns to normalcy (if you can call it that) on Tuesday.

Insecure About Other People Being As Smart As He Is: Miss, you told us we'd be on the 3rd floor today, and we're still on the 2nd floor. You lied. You're a liar.

Me: I'm pretty sure I told you we'd be here until Tuesday. Sorry for any confusion! But, hey, you made it here okay!

Insecure: Not anymore! (Leaves the room in a huff.)

Three minutes later...

Insecure (entering the classroom): Good morning, miss!

Me (surprised): Good morning!

Insecure: How are you doing today?... See, I'm making a fresh start!

Quote(s) of the Day - April 26, 2010

As my regular readers know, every Friday, I give my kids a "Free Write" as their Do Now. Here are a few gems from this past Friday:

Poorly Influenced by Boisterous But Lovable: I am going to my girl crib. Then I will play with my friends on the game systems, go to a party with my friend because his cousin is sick and needs someone to party for him.

Insecure About Other People Being As Smart As He Is: My weekend will be awesome. I found me a girl who loves me, and I love her back. And today we get out early, and I will get to spend time with the girl I love.

Blueberry News

Did you know... Consumption of blueberries has been shown to stimulate the growth of new neurons?

Cool! Bring on the blueberries! (It's almost local berry season!!)

Via, via (via)

Famous... in Philadelphia

The Notebook, a wonderful blog about Philadelphia public schools, posted a link to my blog today! Wheee!

Floating So High

She wrote in her Do Now today:

I'm happy my life is back together and I got out of bed and came to school. I'm happy to know I will do something with my life. I'm happy you made me come and talk with you after school yesterday. Thank you so much, Miss. I am really grateful.

Aw, shucks.

Floating Higher

She came to school! I was worried she would decide not to at the last minute, but she came to school!!!

Floating

One of my favorite students, a senior, stopped coming to school right before spring break. I knew she had been suffering from a bad case of senioritis, but I didn't probe the matter... until she had missed so many days that she was given what is essentially "dropout" status. I emailed her -- no response. I called her home, using the phone number listed on her online school profile -- disconnected. I told one of my administrators about her, and he sent a team over to her house to investigate -- no outcome. I was at a loss. I figured I wouldn't see her in school again.

Then I realized I was being an idiot. While she doesn't have any close friends in her Environmental Science class, surely someone had to have her cell phone number. And, thank goodness, someone did.

She picked up the phone when I called her yesterday afternoon, although, when she heard my voice, she promptly burst into tears. I convinced her to let me take her to dinner later that evening. When we finally met up, she told me what was going on: She was overwhelmed with work and mildly depressed. She initially decided to deal with her anxiety and depression by staying in bed; this led to an even greater feeling of powerlessness, especially at the prospect of having to make up all the work she was now missing, until she decided to stop coming to school at all. It wasn't just high school that she was giving up on -- she also quit her job without warning, and she stopped returning her friends' phone calls.

I did my best to mix tough love and encouragement. I told her several times how stupid she was to drop out in the spring of her senior year. I told her she had better deal with being overwhelmed, because it is a pretty frequent life experience. I told her that nobody in the 21st century would respect a high school dropout. But I also told her over and over again how awesome she is, how much I missed seeing her every day, how I had made such an effort to track her down because I felt she was worth it.

We came up with a game plan for her to get back on track academically. I told her that she must start to seek out help when she needs it. She cried and cried and told me she didn't want to be a high school dropout.

She's coming to school today.

Quizzz

My biology students have a quiz today on transcription (making RNA) and translation (making proteins). As a 47 (Genetics) TA, this is easily my favorite part of biology, and I have tried to pass on that love to my kids. So I am really hoping they do well! =)

A Potential Crisis

I usually try to break up fights in my classroom before they even begin.

But I wasn't going anywhere near this one:

Rooster: Stop talking about my sister like that!

Homologous: Stop hating me cause I'm black!

Ummmm, okay....

They are best friends as well as best rivals, so this could have gone either way. Fortunately, they resumed their protein translation activity before I could hear more about Rooster's sister. (She does come up in class quite a lot.)

Best Biology Teacher Week EVER

Thursday = Earth Day

Friday = National DNA Day

Then again, Friday is the first day of PSSA Science testing. So we'll get to see how ridiculously below proficient our kids are at science.

Anyhow, I'm going to be optimistic and continue to call it the best week ever. Yay!

My New Favorite Quote

From Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (1999), by JK Rowling:

"It is our choices.... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

If My Life Were a Cartoon, My Heart Would Have Exploded...

On Friday, a higher-ranking staff member more or less accused me of being a bad teacher. (I doubt she meant it personally; rather, I think she is stressed and frazzled due to pressures from higher-ups, as we all are.)

I told an amazing student, with whom I have a very close relationship, about the situation. This was her response:

>>Like I was telling you earlier, I got upset when they told you that you were not doing a good job as a teacher. If only they could visually see how you teach and how your students react.

Oh. My. God. I was (am) so moved.

Finally Friday

Me: A group of three nucleotides is called a codon. Wildly Inappropriate, what do we call a group of three nucleotides?

Wildly Inappropriate: A condom?

Other fun moments of the day:

-- Having my seniors work intently on their climate change mini-project as I blasted Phil Collins - at their request - over the speakers. (This was actually fun.)

-- Reviewing translation (the cellular process of making proteins) with my 10th graders, only to have them complain that I taught them this yesterday and they knew it already. Naturally, when I started questioning them about the topic (see above), they had a very tenuous understanding. (This was not actually fun).

-- Friday happy hour with my colleagues. (Fun doesn't even come close to describing it.)

Highlights from the Ground

--Recently Reformed Nice Girl came to class with a positive attitude today. So positive, in fact, that she set a goal for herself to make it through the entire class without cursing, AND she succeeded. I was duly impressed.

--Makes Barnyard Animal Noises and Rooster interrupted my lesson on translation (in biology, the cellular process of making proteins) in order to start howling at the imaginary moon. Nobody in the class found this weird. Rooster then started cock-a-doodle-doo'ing. The rest of the students, being the arbiters of propriety that they are, found this completely inappropriate, and we (myself included) momentarily forgot about biology and lost ourselves in fits of giggles.

--In Environmental Science, we each computed our carbon footprint using an online climate change calculator. Several of my students were severely off-task. Approaching them in person was unsuccessful. However, when I admonished one of them via gchat, he immediately got to work. Go figure.

--Dreams of Becoming a Paramedic wore lens-less Harry Potter glasses today. When she took them off for a moment, I stole them from her and put them on my own face. My class had no problem paying attention to me after that.