Quote of the Day - February 18, 2011

Super Student: I'm calling your classroom the "Sex Room". I know we can't do any of that stuff in here, but, you know, we're always talking about animals mating.

Unattended Children?

This post on Richard Wiseman's blog is laugh-out-loud funny. Since my blog is essentially about children, I feel the need to link.

and more...

Change of Heart?

Sourpuss: I'm gonna study hard for the quiz tomorrow. I'm getting my master's degree. In science.

Only in My Life

On Wednesday, I gave Decibals a detention for completely outrageous behavior. I scheduled her detention for Friday after school. Decibals was not happy, and I received reports that she spent the rest of the day complaining and cursing me out to other students.

On Thursday, during my lunch period, Decibals knocked on my door. I had never seen her act so respectfully. She asked if we could please reschedule the detention, as she was busy on Friday. I thought about it, but I realized I was busy that Thursday afternoon, as well as the following Monday and Tuesday afternoons. No, I told her, detention had to be Friday.

"But I really can't go!" she said.

I paused, pondering the myriad of possible responsibilities she might have on a Friday afternoon. Maybe she had to babysit a younger sibling? Report to work? Take care of an older relative? "Well, what do you have to do tomorrow afternoon?" I asked.

"I'm skipping school to go shopping!"

That's What Henry VIII Thought...

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: Miss, Imma get pregnant again. I really wanna girl. Baby girls are sooooo cute.

Me: What if it's not a girl?

Jet Engine: Oh, it will be. That's what I want.

Thass Racist, Miss

Hasn't Come to Class in Four Weeks: Yo, Miss, can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure.

Four Weeks: Can you still get a job if you have a tattoo?

(Four Weeks pushes up his sweatshirt sleeve to reveal an arm with no visible flesh.)

Me: Well, it depends on the job. Many jobs have dress codes that require you to look professional. They might ask you to cover up your tattoo, or they just won't hire you at all.

Four Weeks: Yooooo, that's discrimination, that's just like saying you can't get a job 'cause you're black!

News Update

Obnoxious Mommy: Did you hear how they caught the Kensington Strangler?! He and my brother are best friends! They smoke pot at my house every week!

Misconceptions

Mr. President: Is Brown a historically black college? Is that where it gets its name?

Quote of the Day - January 13, 2010

Crazy Neckties: I wanna vacation at a nude beach... so I get a full-body tan.

Public School Lives

Yesterday in class, while I was droning on about the tundra, I saw Teen Mommy say, "Here you go" and hand Phone Addict a condom. "It's my last one."

Quote of the Day - January 10, 2011

Mostly Magnetic: Miss, why don't you have a boyfriend? I can hook you up with my cousin. Then you could come to family barbecues and stuff.

Quote of the Day - January 7, 2011

Miss Mommy: Miss, why don't you have kids yet? Aren't getting a little old? I mean, I had my son when I was sixteen.

Actually, They're Red All Over

One of my friends told me today that curiosity makes for a good teacher. I would add that curiosity makes for a comical (and precocious) student.

Among the science questions I answered today:

"Are zebras white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

"Why is wool so itchy?"

"Did you know silk is made from worms? That's so gross. I hate silk."

"Did you hear about the cave in Vietnam that has an entire jungle inside?"

"What's Vietnam?"

"I'm doing my project on deserts. Is it okay if I answer these questions for the tropical rain forest?"

Quote of the Day - January 4, 2011

Several of my students were cursing quite loudly at the beginning of fourth period yesterday.

Me: Guys, can you stop talking like animals?

Alphabet Soup: Animals don't talk. OH, YOU JUST GOT PLAYED!

Welcome Back, and A New Perspective on Science

Hey there, B&Bers!

Welcome back to a new and exciting year in Ms. Cyanococcus's classroom, er, blog. My new year's resolution is to keep you guys abreast of the crazy goings-on at my high school on a daily basis. I really do appreciate your support, and I want to keep you chuckling through 2011.

That said, one of my students, Sourpuss, forced me to think about science from a bawdier point of view yesterday. We were watching the "Great Plains" episode of Planet Earth in Environmental Science. Most of my students were watching intently. Sourpuss shouted out her question.

Sourpuss: Why is that bird jumping up and down?

Me: He's trying to get a mate to notice him.

Sourpuss returns a blank stare.

Me: He's flirting.

Sourpuss: Oh, okay.

Mail Ail

I gave my forensic science kids a 2-minute murder mystery to solve. The clue was that the murder took place on a Sunday, and the murderer was a maid, whose alibi was that she was out fetching the mail.

I tried to guide a group of students to the solution.

Loves Candy: Well, my mail comes on Sundays. I live in the ghetto.... I guess the ghetto mailman brings it on Sundays.

The Botany of Teenage Priorities

Little Drummer Boy: Miss, can you teach a lesson on marijuana?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mostly Magnetic: Miss, did you know marijuana is spelled with a j?

On the Subject of Corduroy Pants

Actually Fascinated By the Environment: Miss, why do your pants feel like a car seat?

I Don't Even Know What This Means

Aspires to Be a Hairdresser: (to a classmate) I can't never be pasty, ho.

Things That Make Me Nostalgic

Sadly, Rappin' Hairdo was switched out of my class. We have become great friends in the few weeks since.

I saw him today in the hallway...

Rappin' Hairdo: I miss your class so much. Your class just be so poppin', and I learned so much about ecology and jawns like that.