Inside My Head

While distributing PSSA*-themed shirts to the juniors:

No, you are not a size small. Yes, I realize you are wearing a size small. However, your boobs are currently spilling out on top, and your stomach is hanging out of the bottom. Just because you are wearing a size small DOES NOT mean that you are in actuality a size small. So quit arguing with me when I hand you a medium. It's a free shirt, and you were neither guaranteed nor are you entitled to a certain size. So shut your mouth, and leave me alone.

While showing a great documentary on genetic engineering in Biology:

You, yes you, are a brat. Don't tell me, "Get out of my face" when I ask you to put away your cell phone. Don't act like you are entitled to use a cell phone. It is my prerogative, in fact, my directive, to tell you to put away your cell phone during class. Why? Well, if you're texting, chances are you're not learning. So put the damn phone away, and don't give me mouth... When I then tell you to stop talking, don't tell me, "Your class is ass." Wow. I'm offended. You think you have the right to have loud conversations and thus cause major disruptions because you don't like my class? Riiight. For the love of Mount Olympus, learn to respect other people.

I wish I could actually say this stuff out loud.

*The PSSA is the standardized test that all elementary students and 11th graders must take in the state of Pennsylvania. Schools are required to administer the PSSA during the month of April.