Biology and Blueberries

No More Pencils, No More Books...

2011-06-22T07:34:00.002-04:00

Today is the last day of school!! I did it!!

Which means... the blogging with commence shortly.

A Fond Farewell

2011-02-27T10:35:00.001-05:00

I’d like to apologize for the state of this blog. This was never the blog I intended to write. This blog started out with my ideals and ideas, but over the past several months, it has deteriorated into a center for ridicule. I’m disappointed in myself.

I have also noticed that a prominent Philadelphia education blog removed me from its blogroll. It could have been a mistake. But I think it is more likely that they felt I was no longer writing anything of substance.

As a result, I am going to close my blog until the end of the school year.

My school has gone through many changes over the past year. The lack of stability has been very difficult for me. I am losing my energy, and fast. I wake up feeling sapped, and I crave sleep by the end of the school day. I no longer smile and skip through the hallway. I’m less creative, less humorous, less engaging, and less loving to my students. I honestly think I was a better teacher at this time last year.

And the little thing that has been nagging me since the fall is becoming a bigger thing: Maybe I’m not cut out for urban teaching. Or urban public school teaching. Maybe. Maybe not.

I plan revive this blog over the summer, when I have more time to write about serious issues in education. But I don’t want to feed negativity to my friends and supporters. My priority is the education of my students. For the rest of this year, I will make a larger effort to reclaim the energy and love for teaching that I know is latent within me. I’ll be back in a few months.

Food for Thought

2011-02-24T14:03:00.002-05:00

Me: Hey, Loves Candy, why are you wandering the hallway during your lunch period? You should be in the cafeteria.

Loves Candy: No, miss, I'm bored with eating.

Hobbies

2011-02-24T14:00:00.001-05:00

Alphabet Soup: Yo, I keep getting all these emails from Barnes & Noble... as if I read.

Snow Day #4!

2011-02-22T19:01:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry for the lack of posts lately. We had off yesterday for Presidents' Day, and today was our fourth snow day!! There wasn't really that much snow on the ground, but it was very nice to have a four-day weekend. Hopefully, we won't pay for this relaxation in June...

Fun on Google Docs

2011-02-19T09:51:00.004-05:00

In an effort to make my students more literate in professional technologies (since they have already mastered Facebook and texting), I am now requiring them to submit their projects to me on Google Docs.

Asking my students to "explore" Google Docs or "play around" with it was definitely not going to work, so I created an assignment. Students each had to follow my step-by-step instructions to create a Google Doc Presentation about something they love:

9. On your new presentation, make your title “Why I Love _____” (Put something you love in the blank.)
10. Make your subtitle “by [Your Name]”.
11. Click on “Slide” on the blue bar at the top. Click on “New Slide”.
12. Choose the slide you want, and add some text.

The submissions were fantastic! I received presentations entitled "Why I Love Money", "Why I Love Air-Brushed Cars", "Why I Love Cheese_Stakes", "y=mx+b", and "Why I Love Girls So Much". (This last presentation was Super Student's, obviously.)

The best presentation was entitled "Why I Love Tacos <3".

Adorable Terror wrote,

This is why i love tacos! First because they are so juicy and good! Second because when you get them with extra beef and cheese they really hit the spot! Last because i love soft tacos from taco bell they are so delicious and tasty, as a matter fact i want some after school! You can get tacos from taco bell! Also from mexican restarants in downtown! I have a serious obssesion with tacos from taco bell! I just love tacos! <3 I can talk about tacos for days but im gonna stop right here. :)

Quote of the Day - February 18, 2011

2011-02-19T09:45:00.002-05:00

Super Student: I'm calling your classroom the "Sex Room". I know we can't do any of that stuff in here, but, you know, we're always talking about animals mating.

Unattended Children?

2011-02-17T18:25:00.003-05:00

This post on Richard Wiseman's blog is laugh-out-loud funny. Since my blog is essentially about children, I feel the need to link.

and more...

Quote of the Day - February 16, 2011

2011-02-16T14:11:00.001-05:00

Little Miss Negative: I'm gonna become the best forensic scientist ever, you hear me?

Speaks Louder Than Jet Engine: No.

Little Miss Negative: I'M GONNA BECOME THE BEST FORENSIC SCIENTIST EVER. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Change of Heart?

2011-02-15T14:50:00.003-05:00

Sourpuss: I'm gonna study hard for the quiz tomorrow. I'm getting my master's degree. In science.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T06:26:00.006-05:00

School was CRRRRAAAZZZY yesterday. I had always thought Valentine's Day was a cute holiday but ultimately too kitschy for people to really take it seriously. Boy, was I wrong! My kids were more excited about Valentine's Day than they were about Halloween or Christmas. Girls walked around ALL DAY with flowers, balloons, and giant stuffed animals. Rather than put those items in their lockers, it was important to show them off to every other girl, all of whom where carrying the EXACT SAME THINGS. And then --

"Miss, where's my Valentine? Did you get me one?"

(in my head) Did you get me one? Probably not.

The biggest problem was that students somehow felt that Valentine's Day constituted a holiday from classwork and learning. The halls were full of students, students would walk out of class unannounced and return with loads of goodies, and students told that they definitely would not do their homework, I guess because they have to go out on Valentine's Day dates from 3:04pm to midnight.

Sigh. I hate to be the one to tell them that, in the real world, February 14th is not a federal holiday.

Math Troubles

2011-02-15T06:23:00.003-05:00

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: Miss, I got a 50/50 on my Forensic Science quiz. Did I do good?

Me: Well, you tell me. Why don't you do the math?

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: That's too hard. The way you do grading is too confusing.

Me: Well, if you divide 50 by 50, what do you get?

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: I dunno. That's why I'm asking you.

Follow-Up to Friday Detention Story

2011-02-12T11:10:00.002-05:00

Decibals came to school yesterday rather than go shopping. She did serve her detention, during which I was successful in getting her to make up some missing work. So far, so good.

It gets better: Apparently, Decibals spent the whole day prior to her detention complaining to her Decibals-entourage about me. They all know now that I am the worst teacher EVER, that I give unnecessary detentions on unnecessary days, and that I reprimand students for cursing.

Not a bad reputation. I like it.

Only in My Life

2011-02-10T21:19:00.002-05:00

On Wednesday, I gave Decibals a detention for completely outrageous behavior. I scheduled her detention for Friday after school. Decibals was not happy, and I received reports that she spent the rest of the day complaining and cursing me out to other students.

On Thursday, during my lunch period, Decibals knocked on my door. I had never seen her act so respectfully. She asked if we could please reschedule the detention, as she was busy on Friday. I thought about it, but I realized I was busy that Thursday afternoon, as well as the following Monday and Tuesday afternoons. No, I told her, detention had to be Friday.

"But I really can't go!" she said.

I paused, pondering the myriad of possible responsibilities she might have on a Friday afternoon. Maybe she had to babysit a younger sibling? Report to work? Take care of an older relative? "Well, what do you have to do tomorrow afternoon?" I asked.

"I'm skipping school to go shopping!"

Quote of the Day - February 9, 2011

2011-02-09T08:08:00.003-05:00

Me: Because of the recent craze in eating shark fins, sharks are in danger of going extinct.

Puerto Rican Girl writes "exting" on her paper.

Me: (Quietly) "Extinct" is actually spelled e-x-t-i-n-c-t.

Puerto Rican Girl: This isn't English class.

Obnoxiousness of the Day - February 8, 2011

2011-02-09T07:48:00.002-05:00

Obnoxious Mommy, who now sits in the front of the room, is turning around every 30 seconds to talk to her friends in the back of the room. Her comments are usually loud and have nothing to do with what the class is learning.

Me: Obnoxious Mommy, stop turning around and having loud conversations with your friends across the room. I moved you to the front of the room for a reason. I want you to stop talking to your friends and start working on getting your grades up.

Obnoxious Mommy: I'm doing my work!

Me: You haven't written a single thing on your paper.

Obnoxious Mommy: You know what? Scatter.

Me: What did you say to me?

Obnoxious Mommy: You heard me. Scatter.

Me: Obnoxious, don't talk your teachers that way. Now please start paying attention.

Obnoxious Mommy: Just get out of my face.

Follow-Up to Feb 3rd Obnoxiousness

2011-02-07T20:02:00.002-05:00

Sycophantic When It Suits Her came to class on Friday much more subdued. She asked during class if we could talk, and I immediately promised to meet with her after class. (Note: I diffused another potential conflict on Friday with that same technique. In the middle of class, "Miss, I'm so pissed at you now". "Okay, let's talk about it later.")

After class, Sycophantic and I had a productive and mature conversation. She apologized for being rude but expressed her feeling that I single her out unfairly. I acknowledged that was probably the truth. I offered to do better in the future, to deal with disapproval and discipline in ways that were less abrasive and embarrassing to her. I did, however, explain that we teachers aren't perfect, and, just like our students, we sometimes act with a hot head before stopping to think about a more rational plan of action.

I was really impressed by the way she handled the conversation. Few of my students are able to advocate for themselves so assertively yet politely. (Give me more time on the test! I don't have time to do my homework, so don't be counting it in my grade.) Even fewer students apologize for their errors. I just think it's difficult for teenagers to do, especially when they know they are wrong to begin with. I'm really happy we had this conversation, because I'm now able to view Sycophantic in a much better light.

Then again, maybe she was just being sycophantic because it suited her.

Obnoxiousness of the Day - February 3, 2011

2011-02-03T14:58:00.002-05:00

Sycophantic When It Suits Her: Don't tell me to stop talking! Ain't nobody want to listen to you today. We're all sick and tired of hearing you.

(later on..)

Sycophantic: You got problems, Miss Cyanococcus, you really do.

Quote of the Day - February 1, 2011

2011-02-02T08:08:00.002-05:00

Decibals: Miss, how much did you pay for your phone?

Me: Um, I don't really remember.

Decibals: Okay, cuz I don't wanna spend more than $350 on my new phone. Maybe a little more if I have to.

I Should Probably Turn Myself In

2011-02-02T08:06:00.003-05:00

Obnoxious Mommy is talking to a group of friends in the hallway during 8th period.

Me: Hey, Obnoxious Mommy! What class are you supposed to be in right now?

Obnoxious Mommy: Oh my GOD! (to her friends) This lady be stalkin' me!

The Royal We?

2011-01-31T21:08:00.001-05:00

Decibals: Oh, I ain't moving today. We be too lazy.

Oh, So It's My Fault

2011-01-31T21:04:00.002-05:00

Me: Knows Everything, I need you to be quiet.

(30 seconds later)

Me: Knows Everything, stop talking!

Knows Everything: No, I'm ain't gonna stop talking! You stop talking.

Me: Okay, but you're failing, so what you're doing right now isn't working. Maybe you should stop talking and see if your grades improve.

Knows Everything: You're the teacher, so it's your fault if I fail. You be doin' a bad job. (as a second thought) F*** science.

FOUND: Genuine Gibberish, on Facebook, Part II

2011-01-30T10:16:00.003-05:00

A follow-up to this neo-Beowolf text:

Obnoxious Mommy: His ex bish tht use to kall em her bby dad

Some Dude: ‎@Obnoxious Mommy shyt real

@Tweety yea I saw dat pic she got of da ultra sound I'm like wth is dat it looks like an Alien Baby E.T

Phone Addict : yeaaah iSaw it too . She looks likeee ah Old ass woman likee fall fake Old bxtch . LOl

Phone Addict: Baqk* not fake

Some Dude: Lol people crazy now in days

Phone Addict: fOrreal fOrreal lOl ; dhey corney ashxt .

Some Dude: Lol well when ever she ready to come out from hiding let her talk shyt cause apparently she aint Ready for da Phone Addict's and Obnoxious Mommy lol

Phone Addict: lOl yeaah she can talk all dhaa shxt she want . Cusx dhaa Phone Addict's & Obnoxious Mommy dont talk shxt ; jusx State dhaa facts . We call it how we see it . LOl

Some Dude: But u no most of da tweakers dnt get da picture unless da flash is on hahah

Phone Addict: Cdfuu . yu would b dhaa Onee too say somethinq likee dhat . LOl

Some Dude: Lol Ya mean I'm dat Boul hahah I'm kinda crazy lol in a good way it sounds hot though

Phone Addict: Ohkaeee rapper cdfuu . Goo ahead spit somethinqqq

Some Dude: Aight I got u... Yo um Check dis or Get Dis Like a Bad Disease u no Da Spice Gurls aint Nothing To Mess wit living da Vida Loca got these Tweakers haiting on them cause They Young Bad and Reckless lol

Phone Addict: Woohoo ' lmboo yeaah . I'm not ah rapper , soo idk waat too say lOl

Some Dude: Lol its ok u can be in my music video u can look all cute in da back lol hahah

Phone Addict: lOl Okaee dhat'll wOrk yu & nat can b dha rapper & I b dhaa dancer . Lmboo .

Some Dude: Lol aight bet ur heard Nat Rap she be killing it but I'm just betta lol

Phone Addict: ‎, yeaah iHeard it . It wusx niceee . Ohh manee yah need to teach mhee somethinqq lOl .

Some Dude: lol hahah we got u we gonna go buy some Cheesteaks and we gonna teach u how to Rap

Phone Addict: ‎#Let'sGooo !

Speacially w|: dhem CheeseSteaks lmboo .

Jk jk ; buh Okaee cusx ii wanna b ah Rapper too lOl

Some Dude: Lol aight our Rap Team gonna be tuff hahh I got u

Thank you for visiting Facebook, and come again soon!

Quote of the Day - January 26, 2011

2011-01-27T10:24:00.002-05:00

Obnoxious Mommy: Miss, I can't believe you called my mom last night. I'm ready to, like, curse you out.

A+ Student: Can you call my mom, and tell her I got a 102% this marking period?

Me: Sure.

Obnoxious Mommy: Can you call my mom to tell her I'm doing a good job?

Me: No.

Snow Day!

2011-01-27T09:47:00.002-05:00

There was snow on the ground when I woke up yesterday. Snow blew through the air as I drove to work. After last year's 7 snow days, the School District is understandably reluctant to cancel school for snow, and so school opened at 8am, as usual.

Given the wintry conditions, I was surprised that one-third of our students showed up to school. (More students might have come, but rumors were surfacing on Facebook that there was a two-hour delay.) But the storm continued to rage, and we learned at 10:30am that school would close at 12 noon.

Students felt the announcement obviated the need to learn. So I gave up when 5 students showed up to 5th period. I put on Planet Earth. (My students completely ignored the film. They posted status updates on Facebook instead.)

Today, there is a foot of snow on the ground. I would love to teach, but, hey, I'm not complaining about a snow day.

That's What Henry VIII Thought...

2011-01-27T09:45:00.003-05:00

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: Miss, Imma get pregnant again. I really wanna girl. Baby girls are sooooo cute.

Me: What if it's not a girl?

Jet Engine: Oh, it will be. That's what I want.

Quote of the Day - January 25, 2011

2011-01-25T15:27:00.003-05:00

Me: Hey, Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine, why didn't you come to school yesterday?

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: I went shopping!!

Me: So you cut school to go shopping?

Jet Engine: Yup, with my boyfriend and my son. It be so poppin'.

Me: What did your mom say? How come she didn't make you go to school?

Jet Engine: She can't make me do anything. I pushed a baby out of me, so I can make my own decisions.

Thass Racist, Miss

2011-01-25T07:33:00.004-05:00

Hasn't Come to Class in Four Weeks: Yo, Miss, can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure.

Four Weeks: Can you still get a job if you have a tattoo?

(Four Weeks pushes up his sweatshirt sleeve to reveal an arm with no visible flesh.)

Me: Well, it depends on the job. Many jobs have dress codes that require you to look professional. They might ask you to cover up your tattoo, or they just won't hire you at all.

Four Weeks: Yooooo, that's discrimination, that's just like saying you can't get a job 'cause you're black!

The One Where Ms. Cyanococcus Is Funny

2011-01-24T22:29:00.002-05:00

Me: Cheerfully Failing!! You have to make up your biomes test today!

Cheerfully Failing: Oh, Miss. Don't say that word. It's my least favorite 4-letter word.

Me: Cheerfully Failing!! I have an exam for you!!

The One Where Ms. Cyanococcus Gets Snarky

2011-01-24T13:35:00.004-05:00

Obnoxious Mommy is making up her biomes test from last week. She has only completed about 35% of her test.

Me: Please try to finish the rest of your test.

Obnoxious Mommy: No, I can't, I don't know any of this stuff.

Me: Did you study?

Obnoxious Mommy: No.

Me: Were you paying attention in class?

Obnoxious Mommy: No

Me: Did you do any of your homework?

Obnoxious Mommy: No. I have a son to take care of.

Me: That's not an excuse.

Obnoxious Mommy: Yes, it is! You try having a son. You won't be able to get anything done either.

Me: That's why I didn't get pregnant at 16.

Obnoxious Mommy: I'm not 16, I'm 18! And my son is a year old!

Quote of the Day - January 24, 2011

2011-01-24T13:21:00.003-05:00

Me: I'm really excited about my birthday later this week!

Actually Fascinated By the Environment: Is anyone gonna give you a birthday present?

Pretends to Be Illiterate: Is anyone gonna give you a birthday suit?

Color Caveat

2011-01-22T19:19:00.002-05:00

Not the Fastest Thinker: Miss, if you're wearing a blue shirt..... why is your sweater red?

FOUND: Genuine Gibberish, on Facebook

2011-01-19T22:19:00.004-05:00

Phone Addict

‎' Twinxx fCk dhat bxtch . Foh w|: dhese computer qanqster . I ride for my mainsx END OF STORY ¡

, 1O.11.1O .

35 minutes ago via Mobile Web · Like · Comment

Phone Addict and Some Other Girl like this.

Obnoxious Mommy: Woooohoo yu & me both

Phone Addict: ‎' yeaaah likee foh likee she won't qet beat dha fCk up . Idqaf ; preqoo Or not . Her & her Fake ass baby . Foh nut ass bxtch .

Some Dude: Lol u sound like a computer Gangster now lol jk

Obnoxious Mommy: Ctfu I send er a request she iqnired me

Phone Addict: Sis ' she jusx ah muthaafCkinq duck !

Phone Addict: ‎@Dude : nahh I'm jusx maddd . Buh yu ritee ima fall baqk let it ridee Out .

Some Dude: Fuck dat Bitch she aint got no life I'm sorry I had to call her a bitch I dnt call no female bitches but she is she got no life she mess wit my crazy Marie's she messes wit me lol

Phone Addict: ‎' lOl likee it ain't even bOut all dhisx nOw buh she fCkinq w|: dhaa wrOnqq ppl speacially at dhaa wrOnqq tymee . Likee shxt qet real ' she jusx needa fall baqk & qoo ahead w|: her tweakass self .! B4 well yu knoo dha rest lmboo .

Some Dude: Lol yea I no I feel u.. aint she prego

Obnoxious Mommy: Sum uqly ass p.r jawn. Just kalled ma son uqly ctfu!

Obnoxious Mommy: I'm donee she getin her add whipped

Some Dude: Oh damn who said dat

Obnoxious Mommy: Onee of his ex gurl I'm donee! Iht a rap! I'm Google her house

Phone Addict: ‎@dude : "Supposely" she is preqoo . Buh yeaaah whoo kno's cusx bxtches b funnie ashxt .

@sistaah: wtf ' whoo said dhat ?

News Update

2011-01-18T16:51:00.003-05:00

Obnoxious Mommy: Did you hear how they caught the Kensington Strangler?! He and my brother are best friends! They smoke pot at my house every week!

Well, She Told Me!

2011-01-18T16:38:00.003-05:00

Too Young to Be a Curmudgeon walked in late today. Instead of joining the rest of the class in the lab we were doing, or checking out another student's notes to see what she had missed, Curmudgeon sat down and texted for the rest of the period. I approached her toward the end of the period...

Me: Curmudgeon, can you put your phone away and make up the work you missed?

Curmudgeon: Miss, the period's almost over.

Me: You still have a minute or too. Why don't you put away your phone and make up the work?

Curmudgeon: I told you, the period's almost over!

Me: You're not supposed to have a phone in school at all. Put it away and get to work.

Curmudgeon: No.

Me: Why do you have to talk to me like that?

Curmudgeon: Because you're wrong!!

Quote of the Day - January 18, 2011

2011-01-18T15:23:00.003-05:00

Decibals and Knows Everything were talking while I was trying to teach. Really loudly. Again.

Me: Okay, I need you guys to move. I've had enough of the talking. Move.

Decibals: No, I ain't gonna move. We too lazy for that.

Me: (suspiciously) Who's we?

Decibals: Me and the baby inside me.

Misconceptions

2011-01-13T22:46:00.002-05:00

Mr. President: Is Brown a historically black college? Is that where it gets its name?

Quote of the Day - January 13, 2010

2011-01-13T22:15:00.002-05:00

Crazy Neckties: I wanna vacation at a nude beach... so I get a full-body tan.

Quote of the Day - January 11, 2011

2011-01-11T13:49:00.003-05:00

Super Student: Miss, are we watching March of the Penguins today? That's, like, my favorite movie right now.

Public School Lives

2011-01-11T07:50:00.002-05:00

Yesterday in class, while I was droning on about the tundra, I saw Teen Mommy say, "Here you go" and hand Phone Addict a condom. "It's my last one."

Quote of the Day - January 10, 2011

2011-01-10T18:49:00.002-05:00

Mostly Magnetic: Miss, why don't you have a boyfriend? I can hook you up with my cousin. Then you could come to family barbecues and stuff.

Quote of the Day - January 7, 2011

2011-01-08T14:01:00.001-05:00

Miss Mommy: Miss, why don't you have kids yet? Aren't getting a little old? I mean, I had my son when I was sixteen.

Quote of the Day - January 5, 2011

2011-01-05T09:38:00.002-05:00

Decibals: Yeah, I love visiting my boyfriend in jail. He so sexy.

Actually, They're Red All Over

2011-01-04T16:33:00.004-05:00

One of my friends told me today that curiosity makes for a good teacher. I would add that curiosity makes for a comical (and precocious) student.

Among the science questions I answered today:

"Are zebras white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

"Why is wool so itchy?"

"Did you know silk is made from worms? That's so gross. I hate silk."

"Did you hear about the cave in Vietnam that has an entire jungle inside?"

"What's Vietnam?"

"I'm doing my project on deserts. Is it okay if I answer these questions for the tropical rain forest?"

Quote of the Day - January 4, 2011

2011-01-04T09:57:00.001-05:00

Several of my students were cursing quite loudly at the beginning of fourth period yesterday.

Me: Guys, can you stop talking like animals?

Alphabet Soup: Animals don't talk. OH, YOU JUST GOT PLAYED!

Welcome Back, and A New Perspective on Science

2011-01-04T09:41:00.002-05:00

Hey there, B&Bers!

Welcome back to a new and exciting year in Ms. Cyanococcus's classroom, er, blog. My new year's resolution is to keep you guys abreast of the crazy goings-on at my high school on a daily basis. I really do appreciate your support, and I want to keep you chuckling through 2011.

That said, one of my students, Sourpuss, forced me to think about science from a bawdier point of view yesterday. We were watching the "Great Plains" episode of Planet Earth in Environmental Science. Most of my students were watching intently. Sourpuss shouted out her question.

Sourpuss: Why is that bird jumping up and down?

Me: He's trying to get a mate to notice him.

Sourpuss returns a blank stare.

Me: He's flirting.

Sourpuss: Oh, okay.

Mail Ail

2010-12-21T06:23:00.002-05:00

I gave my forensic science kids a 2-minute murder mystery to solve. The clue was that the murder took place on a Sunday, and the murderer was a maid, whose alibi was that she was out fetching the mail.

I tried to guide a group of students to the solution.

Loves Candy: Well, my mail comes on Sundays. I live in the ghetto.... I guess the ghetto mailman brings it on Sundays.

The Botany of Teenage Priorities

2010-12-20T17:46:00.003-05:00

Little Drummer Boy: Miss, can you teach a lesson on marijuana?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mostly Magnetic: Miss, did you know marijuana is spelled with a j?

On the Subject of Corduroy Pants

2010-12-20T17:44:00.001-05:00

Actually Fascinated By the Environment: Miss, why do your pants feel like a car seat?

I Don't Even Know What This Means

2010-12-17T08:11:00.002-05:00

Aspires to Be a Hairdresser: (to a classmate) I can't never be pasty, ho.

Things That Make Me Nostalgic

2010-12-16T13:55:00.001-05:00

Sadly, Rappin' Hairdo was switched out of my class. We have become great friends in the few weeks since.

I saw him today in the hallway...

Rappin' Hairdo: I miss your class so much. Your class just be so poppin', and I learned so much about ecology and jawns like that.

Quote of the Day - December 15, 2010

2010-12-16T06:12:00.003-05:00

Me: In the temperate rain forest, tall trees, like the Pacific redwood, can maximize the amount of sunlight they take in.

Super Student: I try to maximize the number of girls I get.

Back to Those Friday Blues

2010-12-11T14:55:00.000-05:00

Several weeks ago, Decibels shoved me when I challenged her consistent lateness to class. I followed up on her case several days ago. It turns out that nothing was done. Even though she assaulted a teacher, the administrator to whom I referred her scolded her briefly and then allowed her to return to her classes. There was no detention, no suspension, no counseling, no conference with a parent. She attended my class the next day, and every day thereafter, her attitude problem unsolved.

On another note, we just had a faculty meeting during which our principal proudly told us that our school has had zero "dangerous incidents" this school year. Well, numbers stay low when you don't report anything.

Quote of the Day - December 9, 2010

2010-12-09T13:08:00.001-05:00

On Planet Earth: Jungles...

Actually Fascinated by the Environment: Miss, why are you showing us frog porn?

Quote of the Day - December 8, 2010

2010-12-08T23:41:00.002-05:00

At the beginning of 6th period, I set my iTunes to shuffle, and "A Circle of Life" from The Lion King began playing.

Very Tough Exterior: Yo, this is my sh*t! Turn it up!

Bad Romance

2010-12-08T23:37:00.002-05:00

Speaking of Alphabet Soup, she and Arte Johnson got back together and then had (another) massive break-up. I spotted Arte walking around with band-aids over the upper left-hand side of his coat. :(

CSI Moment of the Day - December 7, 2010

2010-12-08T23:28:00.002-05:00

Yesterday in Forensic Science, we examined hair under the microscope, in order to support our current unit on hair analysis. Much to my surprise, my students got really into the "lab." Some were REALLY into it...

Alphabet Soup: Next time, can we look at sperm under the microscope?

Me: Um, that sounds great, but I don't think we can get sperm samples here at school.

Alphabet Soup: That's just a detail.

Quote of the Day - December 3, 2010

2010-12-03T15:26:00.002-05:00

Puerto Rican Girl: You racist, Miss. You don't like me 'cause I'm from Nicaragua.

Biology Problem of the Day - November 2, 2010

2010-12-03T15:24:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, we played review Trashketball for today's test on community ecology. One of my review questions was "What is symbiosis?"

A+ Student wrote down, "the study of symbols."

English Snafu of the Day - December 1, 2010

2010-12-01T12:40:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, we learned about ecological succession in Environmental Science. Today, my students completed an activity in which they compared photos of four different ponds at different stages of succession.

I glanced at Adorable Terror's papers and saw this:

"What will happen to the black bass and blue gill as the floor of the pond fills with organic debris?

Everybody in bein dyin."

Half Day Blues

2010-12-01T12:35:00.002-05:00

At the conclusion of the first marking period, my school district holds report card conferences for parents. Students have a half day of school, and parents are invited to meet with teachers at school between 1pm and 3pm. Conferences took place yesterday afternoon and will continue today. My students' parents are so involved that yesterday, I met with a grand total of.........

ZERO parents.

I'm hoping for better luck today.

Quote of the Day - November 24, 2010

2010-11-28T17:28:00.002-05:00

Little Miss Negative: I'm trying to be a forensic scientist, and you're getting in the way.

More Music Surprises

2010-11-28T17:22:00.003-05:00

Argh, I promised more posts, but I didn't deliver. Sorry about that.

Anyhow, after the Abbey Road comment, I received this request:

Fun Frosh: Miss, um, can you play more Journey and Bon Jovi? I... uh... well, it helps me focus.

HTTA

2010-11-25T11:06:00.001-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

Quote of the Day - November 23, 2010

2010-11-23T09:59:00.001-05:00

Little Miss Negative: Miss, I'm tired of this hip-hop BS. Can you play Abbey Road?

Junior Class Elections, Part Two

2010-11-23T08:21:00.002-05:00

Elections were held during advisory (homeroom) on Friday. As I posted here, the candidates had a chance to give their speeches to the class in an assembly on Thursday. As a result, nearly every junior should have recognized the names on the ballot.

Really Nice Girl: I already voted, did you?

Really Not Nice Girl: I'm not f***ing voting.

Really Nice Girl: Oh you should, the class officers are going to plan prom and stuff.

Really Not Nice Girl: Well, I don't f***ing know anyone who's running.

Really Nice Girl: Oh. Didn't you go to that assembly yesterday?

Really Not Nice Girl: No, I cut. F*** this... where are the black kids? I'll vote for them.

Quote of the Day - November 22, 2010

2010-11-22T15:24:00.003-05:00

I bought a wreath with skulls on it for my classroom -- appropriate for Forensic Science, I figured...

Little Miss Negative: That looks like something Julius Caesar wore on his head.

Junior Class Elections, Part One

2010-11-20T13:20:00.002-05:00

Several weeks ago, I applied for the position of junior class advisor. (Since I was the only applicant,) I got the job. Naturally, my first task was to hold elections.

The candidates wrote letters of intent to me and posted their glossy flyers around the school. Then, on Thursday, it was time for... speeches!!

Most of the candidates said standard things about honesty and prom and making 2012 the best class ever. Then it was the (uncontested) candidate for treasurer's turn.

G Is for Gangsta/Genius: You can always call me or text me or even hit me up on the book.

While I'm Lecturing About Food Webs...

2010-11-20T12:58:00.003-05:00

Female Student #1: What chew doin' tomorrow?

Female Student #2: Buyin' new clothes for my son.

Female Student #1: Ohhhh that reminds me, I hafta buy new clothes for my son also.

Female Student #3: Oh, I get all my daughter's clothes from my older sister.

Female Student #2: Hey Miss, you got a kid?

Quote of the Day - November 18, 2010

2010-11-18T13:31:00.002-05:00

In the middle of Forensic Science, a commotion somehow starts. (I guess identifying ridge characteristics on their fingerprints wasn't interesting enough for them?) Aove the din, I hear Breadsticks' voice.

Breadsticks: YOU JUST BETTER BE A CONDOM!

Hair Color

2010-11-18T13:28:00.002-05:00

Loves Candy: Miss, Miss, I'm gonna dye my hair this weekend.

Me: Oh, cool! What color?

Loves Candy: Oh, dark.

Me: Cool, dark brown? Dark blonde?

Loves Candy: Just dark.

Forgotten Field Trip Funny

2010-11-16T08:08:00.002-05:00

Our tour guide pointed out a few hawks soaring above us.

Mostly Magnetic: It's a bird!

Directionally Challenged: It's a plane!

Rappin' Hairdo: No, it's Super Me!

Quote of the Day - November 15, 2010

2010-11-16T08:03:00.002-05:00

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: Miss, you need to start doin' some stuff, if ya know what I mean.

Me: Um, can you finish identifying those fingerprint patterns?

Jen Engine: No, I'm serious. That's all boys want. Except for when a boy, like, really, really loves you. But there aren't a lot of boys like that.

Friday Blues, Part 2

2010-11-12T15:01:00.002-05:00

School was closed yesterday for Veterans Day, meaning teachers and students had a long-awaited day off.

I came to school today feeling refreshed and excited to teach!

But when I walked into my room, I noticed immediately that... I HAD BEEN ROBBED!!

Someone had snuck into my room (and several adjoining rooms) between Wednesday afternoon and this morning. From my belongings, the thieves stole my speakers, the power cord for my projector, and the VGA adapter for my projector. Fortunately, I had locked up the projector itself before I left the building on Wednesday. Thank goodness.

I filed a police report right away. I remained calm, but my students were outraged. Several of them exclaimed, "Miss, this is so unfair. How are we going to learn?"

I've replaced all of my missing supplies at this point. But, wow, what an unpleasant surprise.

Friday Blues, Part 1

2010-11-12T14:35:00.002-05:00

Decibals walked into my room 6 minutes late, as usual. Today, however, she was completely out of uniform. Instead of wearing the required white collared shirt and khaki pants, she showed up in blue jeans and a red shirt. I was in a strict mood, so I told her to go get a late pass and return in uniform. She was wearing khaki pants when she returned, but she lacked a pass. I told her, once again, to retrieve a late pass. She walked into the room anyway.

I blocked her entry. She shoved me out of the way with her arms. As she forced her way in, she told me to "get out of my f***ing way." As I began to admonish her, she said, "Don't you f***ing talk to me."

Well, that was that. I allowed her to sit down, but I immediately called the school police. Decibals was removed from my class in short time.

I generally don't have those sorts of problems. I expect my students to treat me respectfully and kindly, and they generally do. Even my most obnoxious students do not curse at me. And I have never been assaulted by a student.

Thankfully, I dealt with the situation quickly and with minimal disruption to the rest of my class. Nonetheless, I am really bothered by the incident. I don't like that Decibals would treat me (or any teacher) so disrespectfully. We've been having problems for a while, but certainly nothing should have caused her to act the way she did.

Field Trip Awesome

2010-11-09T15:22:00.002-05:00

I took my kids on a field trip to a local nature outreach center. My kids visited three different ecosystems -- a forest, a meadow, and a pond -- and learned about the different adaptations that animals have in order to survive in their environments.

I thought the field trip was great. My outdoors-challenged students thought otherwise. Here are some of their comments throughout the day:

"Yo, I be thirsty. Where's the water fountain?"

"I just tripped over two rocks. If I trip over another one, I'm suing."

"Ewwww, there's a fly." "Oh my god!" "That jawn tryin' to land on me!"

"Where the frogs?" "They got 'em at Petco."

"Do we got an elevator or escalator comin' up this hill?" "Can I call a cab?"

Quote of the Day - November 9, 2010

2010-11-08T16:19:00.003-05:00

Me: Hey, Rappin' Hairdo, get to work on your questions!

(some time later)

Me: Rappin' Hairdo, how are your questions doing?

Rappin' Hairdo: They're still there. They're not going anywhere.

Awkward Moment of the Day - November 8, 2010

2010-11-08T16:09:00.003-05:00

Decibals: Hahahahahaha I can't stop talking and laughing really loudly while Ms. Cyanococcus is trying to teach.

Me: Decibals, will you please be quiet and pay attention?

Decibals: Hahahahahahahahaha Miss, it's not my fault, it's my boyfriend's fault. Hahahahaha I'm going to keep talking and ignore Ms. Cyanococcus.

Speaks Louder Than a Jet Engine: No, Miss, seriously, it's her boyfriend's fault. You can't blame her.

Much whispering and giggling ensued. I overheard the phrase "morning wood" and promptly decided to drop the issue. Decibals continued talking all period.

Hallway Hoopla

2010-11-08T16:04:00.002-05:00

Four kids were wandering around the hallway during 8th period. I popped my head outside my classroom and asked them to hurry on to class.

Random Kid: Miss, you're supposed to be supporting us. You can't get us in trouble.

Me: I am supporting you. I want you to go to class so you can pass your classes!

Best Friend of Extremely Obnoxious: THAT'S WHY YOU FAILED ME LAST YEAR, RIGHT?

Observation

2010-11-04T12:53:00.002-04:00

I can't get my students to listen to me talk about natural selection... but as soon as I mention that I went to a Sixers game (or a movie, or a coffee shop, or whatever) last night, I have their undivided attention.

Fingerprint Flaw

2010-11-04T12:50:00.003-04:00

Me: Our objective today is to distinguish among the three classes of fingerprints.

Phone Addict: Oh my god, this is so easy, I learned this in like third grade or something. (whispers to neighbor) I can't believe she's teaching us this.

Me: Let's start off with a basic definition. A fingerprint is an impression of the pattern of ridges above the top joint of your finger.

Phone Addict: Miss, what's a fingerprint?

Field Trip Funnies #2

2010-11-02T23:15:00.003-04:00

Urban Wonder: Miss, where are we going again?

Me: We're going to a center for environmental education. We'll be learning about ecosystems and adaptations, and we'll take a few short hikes.

Urban Wonder: What's a hike?

Me: A hike is a walk outdoors.

Urban Wonder: Well, I know you're a hippie, Miss, but I got my tv.

Quote of the Day - November 1, 2010

2010-11-01T15:34:00.002-04:00

Mostly Magnetic: Hey Miss, you wanna know what I was for Halloween?

Me: Um....

Mostly Magnetic: A prostitute! You wanna see my pictures?

Me: Um, no, definitely not.

Quote of the Day - October 29, 2010

2010-10-29T13:30:00.002-04:00

Loves Candy: Miss, what's a nice way to say "fat"?

Me: Ummm, how about "pleasantly plump"?

Loves Candy: (begins writing assignment) Loves Candy is pleasantly plump....

Quote of the Day - October 28, 2010

2010-10-28T15:04:00.003-04:00

On fitness and adaptations:

Super Student: It's like, all the girls are gonna want the big hunter who brings back lots of meat. Nobody's gonna want the dorky hunter.

Field Trip Woes

2010-10-27T15:10:00.003-04:00

Hasn't Come to Class in Four Weeks: Can I drive my own car behind the bus? I'll leave from school and meet you guys at the environmental center.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure the school district won't allow it. You know, there are liability issues and all. You need to take the bus with us if you want to come.

Hasn't Come to Class in Four Weeks: Well.... I got shot three weeks ago, and I can't take buses for another month.

Field Trip Funnies

2010-10-27T15:09:00.001-04:00

I'm taking my Environmental Science classes on a field trip to a local environmental center in two weeks. As I was explaining the logistics of the trip, I got this question...

Super Student: Are we taking SEPTA or the cheese bus?

All's Fair in Love and War

2010-10-26T13:37:00.001-04:00

Alphabet Soup dumped Arte Johnson. (I found out when I spotted Arte sobbing in the stairwell.) To make matters worse, their rosters were changed so that they are now both in the same Environmental Science class. Oh, irony.

GI Problems

2010-10-25T14:00:00.001-04:00

In environmental science, we were talking about upcoming events in the course...

One bright student asked, "Can we digest a frog?"

Sad Quote of the Day - October 22, 2010

2010-10-24T21:57:00.002-04:00

I was explaining the difference between K-strategists and r-strategists.

Me: So if a human mother has two to five children, how many of those children will live to adulthood?

Has Two Kids: Maybe one or two. The rest will get shot.

Astute

2010-10-21T15:19:00.001-04:00

Nonexistent Attention Span: You be mad cause I'm smarter than you.

Photo Comment of the Day - October 21, 2010

2010-10-21T15:16:00.003-04:00

Each day, I post a cool photo of the day. Usually, it's something biological, or else a geographical location of note. Anyhow, one student's reaction to this photo of an adult emperor penguin with his penguin chicks:

"Looks like a bunch of Ricans surrounding a white dude."

Quote of the Day - October 21, 2010

2010-10-21T07:55:00.002-04:00

Me: Hi, Straight-Up Obnoxious!

Straight-Up Obnoxious: You know I don't like you. Don't you be sayin' hi to me.

Me: Well, see you later!

Straight-Up Obnoxious: Okay, white trash.

Quote of the Day - October 18, 2010

2010-10-18T23:27:00.003-04:00

Part-Time English Speaker: Jibber jabber jibber jabber en espanol

Me: Part-Time English Speaker, please stop talking while I was talking.

Part-Time English Speaker: Jibber jabber jibber jabber en espanol

Me: Part-Time English Speaker!!!!!!

Part-Time English Speaker: Miss... who was talking first?

Forensics Fun

2010-10-18T23:18:00.001-04:00

Nonexistent Attention Span: Miss, how come every movie we watch in this class has to do with crime?

~~~~~~~~~

Nonexistent Attention Span: Miss, I think you're obsessed with the word "brown". It's kinda weird.

I've Been Waiting for Someone to Say This...

2010-10-16T10:54:00.003-04:00

Me: Who can explain the first level of ecological organization? Yeah, Beatboxes Constantly?

Beatboxes Constantly: An individual, which is a single orgasm.

I'm Lovin' It

2010-10-14T15:41:00.002-04:00

I had my forensics science students write skits about a crime scene. Some of the skits were so-so or even downright bad, but some were quite creative. My favorite skit involved a McDonald's customer fighting with the cashier. The security guard came in to support the cashier. He got carried away and assaulted the customer. My students had rehearsed, and they acted well.

The best part, though, was the props. They used paper and colored pencils to make three-dimensional french fries, chicken nuggets, a big mac, and a coke with a straw. They also made a paper pistol. It was so adorable. I spent the rest of the day slurping paper soda.

Plea #2

2010-10-14T15:38:00.002-04:00

I got another note from my desperate student:

Hi Ms. I jost wanna told yoo yoo are the best and this test I do the best I can jost because I wanna fix my grade.

Missed a Key Lesson

2010-10-12T16:53:00.001-04:00

One student's Do Now:

I wish my inglesh class was fun.

Quote of the Day - October 8, 2010

2010-10-12T00:47:00.002-04:00

Dubious: Yo, Miss, they switched me into a new Spanish class last week, and I'm already failing! Like, how is that possible?!

Me: Well, have you been doing your work?

Dubious: Yeah, I do all my work. AND I paid my cousin ten dollars to do my homework for me... I hate my Spanish teacher. She so hype.